The second season finale of the trainwreck known as Bachelor Pad aired last night and the episode itself was kind of forgettable... the only worthwhile thing that happened was that Michael and Holly decided to take Michelle and Graham to the finale with them instead of Vienna and Kasey. (Yes, Vienna was crushed because her perfect rose record was demolished.) The rest of the time was spent with the pairs flying around in some Cirque Du Soleil harnesses to impress former Bachelor alums Trista, Jason and Ali (carried onto the stage by Roberto). But the reunion? That was where the fun actually started. Here are the highlights:
Love Is Dead
After their "romantic" and not at all staged departure from the show, Ames and Jackie apparently broke up. We're oh-so-surprised! Watching Ames try and delicately say that he just wasn't into Jackie once he spent more than five minutes off-camera with her had him squirming in his seat.
Let's be honest, we spent most of the episode staring at Vienna's hair, which was somehow even worse than her haircut during the show. That caramel color isn't a good look for her and neither is the feathered style.
Trying to Crush Michael's Spirit
Instead of telling Michael backstage that Holly and Blake got engaged, they waited until he was in front of the cameras and everyone in the studio audience was staring at him with pitying eyes. It was really sad, as he was, like, "What, I know they are moving in together?" And then he looked at Blake with such sadness as he wondered why the guy didn't bother calling to give him a heads up. It was really soul-crushing. We re-watched it several times.
Chris Harrison Pours Salt in People's Wounds
Not only did he relish the whole Michael/engagement debacle, but when he saw that Blake and Holly had gotten engaged, he claimed he was shocked because he thought if anyone from this season was going to get married it was going to be Jackie and Ames. That was a direct hit in Jackie's direction, Harrison.
Bitter, Party of One
Blake's completely surprising proposal to Holly (with cameras and everything) was by and large accepted by the populace (even judge Erica Rose), who deemed their relationship to be true love. The only one (aside from the aforementioned devastated Michael) who didn't seem super enthused about it was Jackie, who appeared to be shooting daggers of jealousy because her fauxmance didn't play out the way she'd have liked it to.
They Aren't Laughing With You
Vienna insisted that there were good times between her and Jake in the house, such as a time when he played charades and fell off the chair. She started laughing hysterically at this recollection as the audience and her fellow castmates looked on in horror.
Not to Late to Apologize
Jake told Chris that he thought Kasey and Vienna were cold and that he didn't appreciate Kasey telling the world he wanted to punch Jake in the face as a favor to America. Kasey apologized, possibly even sincerely, to Jake, saying he never listened to Jake's side of the story. He then got up and shook Jake's hand while Vienna looked annoyed. When Kasey returned to his seat, he glanced at Vienna, who gave him a death glare while he just stared vacantly at the camera. Trouble in paradise?
It's Not Easy Being Green
After a clip of Rated-R -- or Justin or the Runaway Bachelor, or whatever you want to call him -- saying that Kasey sounds like Kermit the Frog aired, Kasey welled up. Apparently the guardian of Vienna's heart has a speech impediment.
After watching a montage of the horrible emotionally abusive relationship they had all season, Kasey refused to give a straight answer about the status of his and Vienna's relationship. Are they together? It seemed like he was saying they probably shouldn't be? But she referenced them living together and Erica Rose talked about them vacationing at her presumably palatial estate. And Vienna said that normal people don't have their fights taped for constant replay, so that was just random moments. Needless to say, this fauxmance is sure to be short-lived.
Jake called Vienna a famewhore who milked his yelling at her for a year, and she tried to turn the tables on him by saying that he had decided to apologize to her on Bachelor Pad just for the attention when he could have just called off camera. (But then we would have been deprived of this "entertainment"!) He claimed that he had left a host of messages that she deleted or ignored, while she said she never got them, though her fans email her all the time. She has fans? Plural? Who are these people.
Sharing Is Caring
There was a long pause between when Holly revealed that she was going to share the money with Michael and when Michael revealed his answer. It looked for a moment that Michael was going to be selfish and keep the money (and not a person in the world would blame him after he had his heart stomped on publicly all season). Of course, he didn't since he's a nice guy, but we liked that he got in some digs about weddings being expensive and made her sweat it out a little bit there.
May we never have to see Mike and Holly awkwardly do their celebration dance again in our entire lives. It was embarrassing all around. Can't wait for Blake and Holly to show that to their kids and explain this entire debacle to them. (As if they actually have a future together.)
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