The Telefile
Bachelor Pad: The Four Most Uncomfortable Sexual Moments of the Night

We understand that Bachelor Pad is a melting pot of venereal diseases, but normally a lot of the sexual encounters are left to the imagination... or at least happen when the cameras aren't around. We're not prudes or anything, but we watch this show to see what kind of hook-ups happen, not to be horrified at how they unfold. We might be scarred for life after last night's episode... not that it will stop us from tuning in for next week's finale or anything, though.

We've Got a Feeling Graham Would Rock at "I Never"
During the Nearlywed Game (oh, how we cringed every time Chris Harrison said that name as he tried to pretend he was a real game show host), the teams were asked at which age the men lost their virginity. For some, it was 16; for Kasey, 21 (we're surprised it wasn't later, because honestly, that poor girl...); but when it came to Graham, his answer was 7. And his partner Michelle matched it. Um, 7? We were briefly wondering if there was some sort of awful story we hadn't heard about yet, until he revealed that their strategy was just to answer 7 for any numerical question. Never thought that strategy would work out quite that way, now did you, Graham?

Holly and Blake Rub Their Desire to Have Sex in Michael's Face
Holly and Blake (and Blake's teeth) have been flirting all season, but last night really took the cake. After the Nearlywed Game, where Michael simmered every time Blake or Holly expressed their desire to hook up, Michael professed his love (again) to Holly, who turned him down (again). Then Holly and Blake sat canoodling on the couch while Michael walked by. It would only have been more awkward if Holly had opted to vote to keep Blake around, instead of lamely handing him a note.

Erica and her Shameless Attempts to Have Sex
While we admire a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it, Princess Erica Rose took things to an entirely different level last night by telling Blake that he was a bad partner if he didn't have sex with her, though he made it pretty clear that he was interested in Holly, not her. She packed her lingerie, tried to get him drunk on champagne and pulled no punches saying that they should have lots of sex and make everyone think that he was over Holly. After all, she told all her girlfriends in the house that she was planning on seducing him. He politely tried to decline, repeatedly, and explained that if the roles were reversed and he was the one trying to force her into sex and had told his friends he brought condoms, that it would be considered more than a little skeezy and kind of date rapey. That backfired, as she only wished that he had actually brought the condoms. Oh, Erica.

Bitter, Party of Two?
The "most in love couple in the house" had yet another meltdown, but this time it wasn't over winning a competition (though they did fabulously lose the Nearlywed Game because they didn't bother to learn jack shit about each other during the course of their fauxmance) but over their lack of sex in the house. Vienna apparently promised to do some sort of sexual act with him (though the cameras failed to catch that) and when she changed her mind, he ripped the ring off of her finger and caused her to flip out. Then he told her that if she didn't "cuddle" (code for sex, apparently) with him, he was going to leave the house (if only!). The two fought all over the place in the most disgusting manner possible (he threw out the names of all the other Bachelor guys she supposedly had banged) until she finally caved and "cuddled" and the cameras amazingly caught her saying that she wanted to get it over with fast. Aw, we totally feel the love between these two.

By relative standards, Graham and Michelle sitting in a giant hot tub making out, giving piggyback rides and discussing the merits of Anna Faris seemed totally normal. So there's that.

TAGS: bachelor pad




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