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The Telefile
<i>Here Comes Honey Boo Boo</i>: This Week’s Signs of the Apocalypse

After my initial review, where we could all agree that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is representative of Idiocracy dictating our lives, TLC brought back June and the gang for two more glorious episodes. Last night in "She Oooo'd Herself" and "I'm Sassified!" we saw some extreme couponing, pageant rehearsal, another round of weigh-ins, a baby shower, an anniversary date and Alana buy a new dress. And just in case you didn't watch but what to know the horrifying things that you missed, here are the episode highlights, or, more appropriately, "the signs of the apocalypse."

6-year-old Alana chugging what I assume is purple Gatorade during THs with the family.

June declaring couponing as being better than sex, and saying she saw someone last week calling couponing her "crack rock."

This face.

12-year-old Pumpkin dancing in a shopping cart, only to have it collapse underneath her.

Pumpkin teaching us about June's "neck rust," complete with visuals.

Pumpkin asking her mom what an apocalypse was, and June explaining that it's when zombies attack.

"I hope Mama don't eat Glitzy. She eats everything else."

The introduction of "redneck Slip 'n Slide," where you take baby oil, soap and tarp and play on it while June stands around and sprays you with a hose*... and sneezes without covering her mouth. (*To be fair, this looked kind of awesome and relatively hygenic.)

Alana saying that Elvis is "Santa Claus's helper."

Glitzy the pig defecating on a kitchen table, and then each family member's account of the defecation that we just watched.

Two children under six are encouraged to have a water-chugging contest.

We learn what a "forklift foot" is. (Which, from the context clue that June refuses to ever show anyone her "deformed" feet, you can probably guess where the name came from.)

As an anniversary gift, Sugar Bear -- who actually seems like a pretty great guy -- buys June a 50-lb. bronze deer statue, as it is a symbol of all of the roadkill they collect, process and grill on the weekends.

Sugar Bear repeatedly spitting out chewing tobacco into an empty Gatorade bottle during interviews.

About ten more shots of June coughing, sneezing and wheezing in THs.

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