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Veep: The Episode’s Best Insults

by Ethan Alter May 20, 2013 11:25 am
<i>Veep</i>: The Episode’s Best Insults

Following Vice President Meyer's disastrous official state trip to Finland last week, Veep was back on its home turf in "Andrew," the title of the show's sixth Season 2 episode and also the name of the Veep's ex-husband (played by David Pasquesi) who we hadn't met before tonight. Maybe it was having to make nice with the House majority leader, Mary King; maybe it was her daughter Katherine's 21st birthday celebration; or, more likely, maybe it was just having her ex around -- who still has the power to stir up latent feelings of loathing-tinged lust inside her -- but Selina kept her tongue in check for most of the episode, foregoing her usual spray of profane insults. And, for the most part, the show followed suit. It was still funny, just not quite as bracingly mean as we're accustomed to.

Beyond introducing Andrew, "Andrew" also set up a storyline that will have big consequences going forward. The reason that Selina was forced to make time for the House majority leader, despite its intrusion on her daughter's birthday festivities, is that they're working together to come up with a proposal that would avoid a government shutdown. And after some spirited negotiating amidst the revelry, they come up with a workable compromise. Unfortunately, POTUS -- in his infinite Kent-influenced wisdom -- decides to spike it and let the shutdown happen to distract public attention from the hostage kerfuffle. That leaves his Vice President, who stood behind him don't forget, kind of twisting in the breeze. Good thing she's got an outlet for her frustration in Andrew, who she hooks up with (to their daughter's dismay) after an extended bout of hate-flirting. Since this fling almost certainly isn't going to last, we'll look forward to the return of Selina the Insult Comic Veep next week. In the meantime, here are the stray put-downs from last night's episode.

Selina: "Well, that was a fourth, so maybe I have to tell you about how counting works, right?"
High-level government haggling is probably not the best time for trash talk, but Selina still manages to slip a well-aimed verbal dagger into the majority leader's side after Mary claims her sneezing fit is over because sneezes always come in threes. That she immediately doubles over sneezing and coughing proves otherwise. Turns out she's just allergic to the flowers in the office, but her demonstrated lack of counting skills would seem to give Selina a leg up in the math-related parts of their negotiation.

Ben: "If we don't get this done by midnight, we're all going to turn into ugly sisters who get eaten by wolves or whatever the fuck happens at the end of that story."
We don't know which specific story Ben is referring to, but it sure sounds like something George R.R. Martin would write.

Sue: "Look at you all flustered. It's good that you'll have sex soon."
Sue hilariously continues her self-appointed role as Amy's casually cruel big sister, patting her on the back and knocking her down at the same time for her impending date with Ed Webster (The Office's Zach Woods, who played the Jonah role of office idiot in In the Loop), the head of Selina's Boston-based PAC.

Selina: "Okay guys, we need to prep two press releases for the end of the Mary King talks at the party tonight. Version 1, Selina Meyer ends fiscal deadlock, saves America. Version 2, Mary King steals peace pipe, breaks it in half, shits all over it."
When you're in the midst of a difficult negotiation that could go either way, it's always good to preemptively position yourself as the victor -- and your opponent the incompetent loser -- regardless of the actual outcome. It's an example of the art of spin that Selina likes to think she's mastered.

Jonah: "You look so good, you're like a work of art. You make this stuff look like shit. Compared to you, that Monet? Piece of shit."
"You know, you look great in an art gallery. Because you kind of are a work of art. I mean, I know I'd like to nail you up against a wall."
"You look good, ma'am. You look really good."

Jonah's game is so bad, he's basically insulting the women he's hitting on (including Selina) by even thinking they'd go home with him.

Amy: "I don't know, I heard whining and I assumed I needed to apologize."
And with that, Amy provides a window into why most all of her relationships with the opposite sex fail. Run away fast, Ed.

Katherine: "By that you mean, batshit crazy.
While her parents try to explain the eccentricities of their relationship in more high-minded, therapy-speak terms, their child quickly cuts to the heart of the matter and issues Mom and Dad a warning: "I feel like you're actually going to have sex on this table and that would truly ruin my birthday."

Dan: "Bullshit. No one's a fucking Quaker."
Few things are funnier than drunk, jealous Dan. We want him (and Jonah) to follow Amy around and ruin all her dates.

Ed: "Jonah, you're not even a man, you're like an early draft of a man where they just sketched out a giant, mangled skeleton but they didn't have time to add details like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks."
And the insult of the night goes to the new guy! We're totally stealing that line the next time we're trapped in the presence of a condescending man-giant.

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