As the clock winds down on Veep's second season, the penultimate episode "Running" ends with Selina finally makes a decision that's clearly been in the offing for a while: she's not going to settle for being second banana anymore, either in a 10K run or in the current administration. No, it's time for her to be the first banana going forward.
The Veep's revelation to Amy that she's done supporting a POTUS she can't stand and will step away from politics for two years in order to mount a presidential bid in six sets up an interesting cliffhanger for next week's Season 2 finale. Will Selina stick to her guns and temporarily -- and, if so, will Dan and Amy jump Butch and Sundance-style to Danny Chung's insurgent proto-campaign -- or will she decide to fight the good fight (in the worst way possible) from within the Oval Office? Since a show called Veep requires a character who is actually, you know, a Veep, we're assuming she'll take the latter road... but hey, series creator Armando Iannucci is nothing if not unpredictable. For example, whoever guessed that he'd dream up an episode based around Selina accidentally walking through a glass door -- slicing up her face real good in the process -- and then tripping balls after downing some St. John's wort? (Julia Louis-Dreyfus really needs to play Stoned Selina more often; it's comedy gold.) Here, as always, are the episode's funniest insults.
Sue: "No, Rachel -- I'm sorry, but the VP's schedule has skyrocketed since the interview. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not sure why I just said that."
It's not a big surprise that Sue has mastered the Golden Rule of politics: no apologies. Hell, that's the title Mitt Romney gave one of his books for all the good that did his campaign. If and when she decides to go from secretary to Senator, it's easy to see Sue having a more successful political career than ol' whatshisname.;p>
Selina: "Sidney Purcell -- talking to him, it's like being stuck in a sewer pipe filled with dead rats."
Ah, campaign donors. Can't live with 'em, but you can't also live without 'em, since they're the ones funding your career aspirations. That requires making fake nicey-nice with jerks like lobbyist Sidney, one of Selina's regular bête noirs. At least in private she can say what she really thinks of him without fear that he'll withdraw his check before she can cash it.
Amy: "My sister would never be at an orgy. Too uptight. She would want health records from everyone and kill the momentum."
We already witnessed the less-than-sisterly bond Amy has with her sibling back in the season premiere, so this slam is par for the course. On the other hand, given her own much-commented upon (by Sue in particular) lack of a sex life, it's hard to picture her having the "momentum" for an orgy. Maybe she'd be more into it if she was able to keep her Blackberry on at the same time...
Dan: "That woman has become a living metaphor of her own career."
Already looking for excuses to ditch Selina for Danny Chung, Dan seizes upon his boss's close encounter with the glass window as an obvious sign that he and Amy need to skedaddle ASAP. Clearly, Dan's version of a living metaphor would be him leaping into the water and swimming away from Mike's sinking ship.
Selina: "God, I hope Iran drops a nuke on DC. Wouldn't that solve a lot of issues? Except Kent wouldn't go anywhere. He'd still be around. He's like an undead cockroach. He's got that blank look. I bet he doesn't even have a cum face. Can you imagine fucking that guy?"
Like we said, Stoned Selina is comedy gold. And the rub of it is -- and what probably makes her staff so hilariously uncomfortable -- is the fact that she clearly has imagined fucking Kent. Why else would she be thinking about what his cum face (or lack thereof) looks like?
Selina: "He's just a varicose dick vein."
Said in specific reference to the Secretary of Defense, but really, this insult can and should be applied to the giant dick
head vein pestering you in your own life.
Ben: "He's the president. You're Jo-nad. Now get in there and liase the truth out of Sue or I'll make sure that name stick so hard it ends up on your gravestone."
Dan: "Jesus, look at his stupid gaping mouth. Let's put stuff in it."
Amy: "Now go up and screw a pillow. The room is paid for."
Ben: "Yeah, of course you do Jonah. You don't get the complexity. You're the world's biggest single-celled organism."
Jo-nad tried to stand up for himself this week, demanding that Sue and the rest of the Veep's staff respect his (severely limited) authoritah for once. But as usual, his protests were drowned out by relentless and well-deserved chorus of negativity and criticism. And you just know that he's got one of those pillow girlfriends -- express delivered from Japan -- waiting for him at home.
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