Honestly, honestly, honestly -- and I'm gonna be real with you, because I'm real -- Bad Girls Club is back, bitches. Though Season Six was maybe the worst in the series' history, starting off Season Seven with breakfast in bed got me all warm and fuzzy inside. From the fabulous editing (Jersey Shore can really learn a thing or two about ironic cuts and the use of filters) to the ridiculous reasons for fighting, there's good reason to believe that New Orleans will breathe the life back into this show. In order to further my case, let's take a look at the most memorable lines spewed, shouted and shrieked in this premiere.
"Bitches, I will shave your face off and wear it for Mardi Gras 2012."
Not 25 seconds into the episode, we hear Judi's maniacal voice accompanied by the sound of what I believe is her smacking her hands together for emphasis. That beautiful phrase is soon forgotten, as we are next shown the awe-inspiring scene of the then-unknown housemate pouring cereal all over a sleeping person while screaming, "I served you breakfast in bed!" Both lines were delightful, but if you're going to choose between the two, go with the one that sounds more like it came from The Silence of the Lambs.
"I don't have time for drama in the house."
There's always someone who says this right off the bat, and this time around it was Nastasia. Why do the Bad Girls even bother making these kinds of statements? Like, what did you think when you sent in your audition tape? What else is occupying your time in this house? My only guess is that maybe she was inspired by how most of the girls from Season Six ended up (acting like?) BFFs by the snoozefest of the Reunion Special.
"Pppt, ppt, ppppt, WHAT THE $*#%? "
I was disappointed by the lackluster Tiara -- the clumsiest broadcast journalism hopeful I've ever seen -- in the premiere, especially considering how much fun it was to meet her.
"Yo, who's fat?"
These bonding words between Angelic and Judi really just sum of the spirit and camaraderie between the housemates. They also share a talent of possessing strong gay-dar.
"Who cares if we're the youngest? I drink more than all of them put together."
Angelic is so touchy when it comes to being the "baby," even when every Bad Girls Club fan knows that the person who tolerates alcohol the best holds the power. While neither Shelly nor Tasha meant to be disrespectful by pointing out that she was the youngest in the house, it caused Angelic to become hostile and defensive, prompting her to TH threats such as, "Just know that this baby, you know, she's not just a... baby."
"I made you famous."
There's a whole lot to say about Judi and her massive id, but everything can simply be summed up by the sultry line she whispers into her suitor's ear at the club. To Judi's credit, she is a true Creole and has boys, free liquor, drinks, cigarettes, kisses and 5,000 friends on Facebook. So.
How many times can Shelly talk about "family" and how over Judi she is? The lady doth protest too much, methinks. In any other show, this would be resolved after one good talk session, but Bad Girls Club has to escalate the conflict beyond any reasonably measure...in a good way, of course.
"You're eating my spit."
Obviously -- obviously -- it is not okay to spit on someone's food. Just ask Tanisha. While Shelly and Tiara gave Judi a pretty good smackdown for her offense, did they not remember the fact that before cooking their late-night pizza, they dropped it on the floor? It was already contaminated!
"Your voodoo doll was trying to get wild with me."
At first, I didn't think I was into the whole voodoo thing this season, but Judi's doll is arguably the Inanimate Carbon Rod of the summer...not so much because of her interactions with it, but because of how emotionally invested Priscilla immediately became with it. Upon meeting, she complimented Voodoo's weave and busty figure, only to violently scream and punch it/her later in the evening. Mind you, this was the only girl in the house that Priscilla had any confrontation with. No matter how crazy-loving that doll made Judi seem (I really just chalk it up to schtick), Prisicilla's rivalry was 100x better. And is it just me, or do they kind of look alike?
Watch TWoP's editors talk about Bad Girls Club and more August TV shows in this segment airing on the New York Nonstop news channel:
View more videos at: http://www.nbcnewyork.com.
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