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House of Lies: Size Does Matter

by Angel Cohn January 23, 2012 6:00 am
<I>House of Lies</I>: Size Does Matter

"Microphallus," or as it should be more appropriately titled, "What Happens in Indiana Stays in Indiana," was filled with even more odd sex than previous House of Lies episodes. Color us impressed, given that bathroom scene and the erection plotlines they've had so far. How could the show possibly have outdone itself? Let us count the ways:

1. Transvestite
Clyde and Doug have very little to do in this episode. So their entire subplot revolves around Doug's alleged one-night stand with a transvestite named Kiki. We don't get to see Kiki, but we learn about the exploits, as Doug's whole team badgers him for explicit details.

2. Toe Sucking
Jeannie doesn't get laid... again. Last week that headhunter let her down, and here she's just used as a distraction to keep a husband occupied while his wife has sex with Marty's "big black cock." Still, it isn't all bad for Jeannie, as she does get a fantastic foot massage. And as she pointed out, "I would let a homeless schizophrenic rub my feet." Sure, the toe-sucking was a little on the weird side and led to squishy toes inside her Louboutins, but she didn't seem to mind much at the time.

3. Microphallus
And why didn't that toe-sucker object to Marty screwing his wife (very loudly, we might add), or request some sort of reciprocation for his foot massage, you may ask? Wouldn't you know it, he's got a microphallus, which Marty exploits to great delight. "Couple of details I want to go over. Tiny. Miniscule."

4. Sex Toy Room
Once Marty gets to his client's house, he's invited upstairs for a tour. Which is where we get to see what kinky things bored housewives in Indiana are really into. Apparently, it includes saddles, dressing up like cops, a plethora of whips and chaining themselves to padded crosses. Marty gets to experience the gamut of these toys.

5. Screwed-Over Client
Once Marty realizes that he's unable to convince his clients to see eye-to-eye, he lets them make a bad business decision, loses the deal and then quickly rebounds by advising a competitor to make a hostile takeover, getting himself a nice little sum of money and a new consulting gig in the process. So what if the original client gets shafted.

6. Marty Gets His
After succinctly getting his groove on in the sex toy room, taking advantage of a client with what seems like possible insider trading and essentially pimping out Jeannie, Marty gets screwed over himself. Seems like his company is about to be bought by Metro Capital, and while Marty presumed that CEO Skip would have his back because of the revenue he generates, Skip tells him that if the merger goes through, our anti-hero is shit out of luck because Skip wants money and some pleasurable client relationships for a change. Guess being a smug a-hole to everyone isn't always the best way to go.

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