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The Client List: We're Surprised They Didn't Just Call It Jennifer's Body

Well, this is the most Lifetime show we've ever seen on Lifetime, and a perfect fit with the utterly ridiculous Drop Dead Diva. That's not saying that The Client List is good by any stretch of the imagination, but it is very in keeping with the network's formula of women in tough situations trying to make the best of things. It would actually be somewhat of an empowering message if you take away the fact that the star is parading around in lingerie and prostituting herself for quick cash. And if you could focus on anything at all besides Jennifer Love Hewitt's half-naked body and the scantily clad men she spent the premiere episode oiling up.

That said, The Client List was perfectly harmless fluff that will probably run forever and keep a whole lot of people we kind of like (Hewitt, Cybil Shepherd, Loretta Devine, Naturi Naughton and Colin Egglesfield) gainfully employed for its duration. And every week we'll be able shake our head at the preposterous things that happened, sort of like a sluttier Hart of Dixie.

Hewitt plays Riley Parks, a down-on-her-luck mother of two who is having money troubles after her husband ups and leaves her. As luck would have it, the massage parlor she's working at offers a happy endings option, so she takes advantage of that to make more tips. She doesn't tell her family what she does, but she makes a whole bunch of new girl friends who, naturally, all have a heart of gold. Yes, even the premise is absurd. Here were the most ridiculous things that this show wants us to buy into:

Ugly hair guys coming in to the massage shop only want regular massages, and the insanely hot ones with ripped abs want the extras.

The shop looks like a tiny hole-in-the-wall in a strip mall, but inside is amazingly large. It's like the TARDIS.

Riley sleeps in an teeny-tiny Incredible Hulk T-shirt.

Her insanely attractive husband has an equally insanely attractive brother (Egglesfield) who just so happens to be really into Riley and loves children.

In the span of two short weeks, she's amassed a large collection of expensive lingerie that she wears while she's working.

She has an enormous house but her kids have to share a room.

A busy business woman would trek an hour each way to find Riley at a kiddie school play instead of just picking up the phone and calling her.

The paint that guest star Mimi Rogers uses to scrawl "Whore" on Riley's car is easily washed off. (Guess she doesn't use the same brand that they do on Once Upon a Time).

Instead of considering selling her too large, too expensive house and moving, Riley drives two hours a day to work and doesn't consider the rising cost of gas.

Her unemployed husband suddenly found the money to move out on her during the middle of some random day.

Some of her clients really just need someone to talk to and aren't there for the handjobs.

Riley just happened to run into her sorta prostitute friend and got hooked up with this job at the very last possible minute before her house was going to be taken away and didn't question that fortuitous timing at all.

Elisabeth Rohm is still a working actress who should be hired for things.

Riley can eat Dairy Queen and still have an amazing body.

We almost can't wait to see just how unbelievable this show can get. What did you think? Sound off below.

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