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The Telefile
<I>The Mob Doctor</I>: A Big Pile of Medical Waste

Full disclosure: I've got a soft spot for mediocre medical dramas. I still watch Grey's Anatomy. I have every intention of watching all of Emily Owens, M.D. I sat through every episode of both Hawthorne and Off the Map. And I watched ER from its great start until its bitter end. So with all that being said, The Mob Doctor is so awful that watching the pilot twice (for reviewing purposes) was excruciating for me. This new series is so poorly written and developed that I'm praying for a swift cancellation so that I can block it from my mind and everyone involved can move on to better things. I really like Jordana Spiro (from My Boys) and adore Zach Gilford (Friday Night Lights), so I figured that at the very least, my enjoyment of two of the leads would keep me intrigued for a few episodes. It won't. Here's why:

They Named her Grace
Because when you have a "good" girl stuck in a bad situation, give her the most obvious name in the world.

Lame Concept/Title
It's like they just pulled two popular themes (mob, doctor) out of a hat and put them together like some sort of Mad Lib. How else do you really explain a show about a woman who is forced to work for wiseguys to pay off a debt for her brother so he doesn't get killed? It's ridiculous. And then in a stroke of laziness, someone decided that combining those two words together would also be a sufficient title for the show.

The Family Is Horrible, So Why Would You Care?
The brother, who is the entire reason that Grace is in this mess, is rather obnoxious... and largely unappreciative of the fact that his sister has to run all around town ripping blunt objects out of the heads of thieves in her spare time. And the mother is a one-note character, obsessed with her daughter getting married and making comments about the hand size of her Grace's boyfriend and how that relates to his penis size. Even the little asides about mom having cancer (or her getting beaten up as a pawn in some mob scenario) don't really make us more sympathetic towards her.

The Flashbacks
Here's hoping that the flashback to young Grace finding her father dead, and realizing that her family friend/former mobster friend Constantine (William Forsythe) was responsible, was just a framing device for the pilot and will not be used again. The little girl looked nothing like Spiro and all that nonsense could have been easily summed up with her looking at a photo, or having a one-sentence conversation with her mother that didn't involve her sex life.

Can He Not Give Himself Insulin?
In addition to the cases she's doing for the mob boss Moretti (Michael Rapaport), Grace also has to go off in the middle of the day to give shots to Constantine. Can he not do that himself? Or hire a nurse? Why does she have to take off to go over there? Just because he's some sort of father figure to her?

Stupid (and Convenient) Medical Case of the Week
Clearly, it was hard for them to come up with an original medical case for the premiere, so they had a teenage girl with an immaculate conception. We strongly object to the word "outercourse" ever being used on television again. And then they went and made the teen a personal friend of Grace's family, to make it more emotionally connected. We guess? Then they really made matters worse by using Star Wars to explain the whole thing. Don't ruin Star Wars, show.

How Does She Not Get Fired?
Grace leaves the hospital all the time. During the middle of her shifts, she just up and takes off, leaving her potential patients in someone else's hands and nearly missing her own surgeries. Can't the mob understand that she has a day job and only call on her after hours? Wouldn't you think they do most of their work at night anyway? Plus, she also seems to be trying to get superiors fired on a regular basis, manipulates the chief of staff, lies to the parents of patients and takes advantage of the nurses.

How Does No One Figure Out Her Game?
There are mob prosecutors in the hospital while she's getting notes from Moretti with the subtle "Kill Him" message regarding an ailing witness. That, combined with the fact that she makes no effort to hide her tracks when she goes off to a chop shop in broad daylight or visits a known mafia player or crashes Moretti's car in the middle of her neighborhood street setting off alarms and giving chase, makes us suspect that the cops in this town are just not trying very hard. Does Chicago not have those traffic cameras on every corner?

Is the Word "No" In Zeljko Ivanek's Vocabulary?
He's a talented, Emmy-winning actor who has been on pretty much every single show on television (only a slight exaggeration). He should have enough clout now to be slightly more choosey about his roles instead of desperately latching on to any project offered up to him. And if the defense is that he thought there was a chance it might have been good, we don't buy that. One look at the dumb title should have been enough of a clue.

Could Zach Gilford's Character be More Bland?
He's the generic, attractive gynecologist on staff, is an excellent boyfriend to his spacey girlfriend Grace and has no idea why she blows him off all the time, forcing him to cover for her. Even when he's angry, it's only for a second. He's just cookie-cutter perfect. It's really annoying.

Why'd They Kill Moretti?
He was possibly one of the more interesting parts of the show, and I personally get a kick out of Rapaport's overacting when he's trying to be a bad guy. Now that's over quickly and Grace is working for Constantine, who seems far less likely to kill her without warning, thus making the stakes (which weren't that high to begin with) even lower after the first episode.

What did you think? Sound off below.

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