It's time for Christmas on New Girl and given that the title is "Santa," I was sort of expecting a reappearance of Schmidt's sexy Santa. While I was disappointed not to see that, the rest of the episode was pretty solid and even most of the plotlines that seemed stupid and cliché (believing in Santa, not dealing well with a stripper girlfriend) all played out well in the end. Maybe I'm overcome by the Christmas (er, White-Anglo-Saxon-Winter-Privilege Night) spirit, or the fact that there aren't any more installments until the new year, but I really enjoyed this episode.
- The discussion of when they stopped believing in Santa: "I just believe things and go on believing them. If someone tells me that a fat man is bringing me dolls every year, I just don't question it."
- Schmidt's rabbi-mandated rules about telling kids that Santa doesn't exist. "Ruining Christmas... very bad for our brand."
- How to make the Chicago Bears win? If you are Nick, this requires only eating mayonnaise on game day.
- That they try and go to all the parties that they are invited to (complete with the invitations). Do you think Schmidt and Stefan from SNL ever run into each other? "Last year this party had acrobats and caged snow leopards."
- The Irish Goodbye
- Schmidt's plan for a happy holiday: "I just want to spend the night making it with some fatty in an elf costume. Instead I'm stuck here at this lesbian cookie party. It's all wreathes and no trees."
- Angie and Nick's disturbingly decorated holiday cookies.
- "Are they just going to play computer music all night?"
- "Why would a good-looking person ever become a doctor?"
- Jess using Winston's temporary deafness to make him her pretend boyfriend.
- Sam being jealous of Winston, except for his mustache.
- Winston's breakup with Jess. "Be gone, honky!"
- Angie telling Nick that he's an idiot and not putting up with being degraded.
- Dr. Gavin and the entire talk show segment complete with sound effects. "I dunno, actually, I think you're the kind of girl a guy would come back for." (Though it did make me wonder who was running the actual radio station during this party)
- Everything with Cece and Schmidt, particularly their conversation about how love is stupid.
- Nick's public confession to Angie: "I just want to say publically that I'm an idiot. I couldn't just put myself out there all the time. It's too scary. I'm not as brave as you, but here goes... I'm very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I'm a writer. I've written a zombie book. It's terrible. I'm a slow runner. I'm obsessed with karate. You are the scariest thing in the world and you're so goofy to be going out with me. Thank you. Winston, why don't you do me a favor, homeboy. I'm sorry I called you homeboy. Turn the music up because I'm about to get sexy up in here."
- Nick lapdancing.
- Angie lapdancing (because Munn is hot).
- Schmidt coaching Nick on lapdancing. Someone's been watching Magic Mike.
- Jess's teary confession to Black Santa.
- Angie flashing the male nurse, and all the guys looking.
- Zooey Deschanel singing (the writers have actually been restrained on this front) and then the show tempering it with her tone-deaf cast members.
- Winston getting all defensive about Santa being real and the subsequent food fight.
- Jess suddenly being depressed about Sam again after what has to be two months, since they split at Halloween.
- Winston getting a cranberry stuck in his ear and shouting.
- Nick calls Angie his stripper girlfriend about a hundred times. And then calls her out on her slutty behavior in the middle of the party. "Nick Miller, making lemonade into lemons since '91."
- Cece leaving her own party. Seemed random for her, though it did make for better Schmidt stuff.
- Jess running into glass walls at the German party, and generally flailing around to get away from Sam.
- Winston doing drunk karaoke of Christmas songs.
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