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The Telefile
<I>New Girl</I>: Roommate Do’s and Don’ts of the Week

"A Father's Love" just felt like an off episode after some great outings. Not to totally fault Dennis Farina as Nick's cantankerous con man father, because he seems like perfect casting to play one of Nick's parental units, but he does bring a certain gravitas to the otherwise light and frothy show. So the episode went for more of an emotional take, instead of stupid comedy, which isn't an entirely bad thing if the B plot is up to snuff but, well, it wasn't. The crazy win-back-Cece capers with Schmidt and Robbie were fun for a second, but their act quickly wore thin. If not for Schmidt's muttered threats on Robbie's life, we'd have tuned out entirely. Still, there were a few redeemable moments, though we'd probably never play Feel the Cup with these people.

Do's
- Feel the Cup with Nick's dad Walt. He's amazing at it. And the fact that Nick needs extra quarters for more time.
- Little Nick and Little Winston selling misprinted hats.
- Nick angry fixing the sink: "You want to know why I'm messed up? Why I don't trust people? Why I have anger issues? Why I have the blood pressure of a hummingbird?"
- Dad-less Winston persisting in calling Walt "Pop-Pop."
- Insight into Nick's childhood: "I would pretend to be a diabetic kid so the man who was threatening to beat up my father would run off scared."

- Jess at least being slightly skeptical about Nick's dream to own a family horse: "Nick hates living things, so that doesn't seem in line with what I know about him."
- Nice pop culture reference: "Dammit, Uncle Buck, this horse will never race again." Maybe Nick and Leslie Knope could start a Joe Biden fan club? "There are people in life who you want to be unpredictable. Your pothead neighbor or Vice President Joe Biden. And then there are people who you don't want to be unpredictable, like your dentist or, I don't know, your father."
- Smiting is always fun: "Here's what I'm thinking. I use my superior powers of manipulation and persuasion to get Cece to take you back. Once we've neutralized the subcontinental threat, I smite you... Smite: defeat gloriously for Cece's hand. But that's someday, for now, let's scheme, my broheim."
- Now the name of the horse makes sense: "You can't sell A Father's Love. There's more to A Father's Love than just semen."
- See, if Schmidt was with Jess, he'd never have let her buy a horse: "You own eight stars? That's a horrible investment."
- They just don't give porn films names like they used to. All of these would be best-sellers: "I had all these sari-related sexual scenarios. Monsoon Bedding, The Best Erotic Mari-bone Hotel, Slum Doggie-style Millionaire."
- "Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but only one of us dies at the end of the movie. It's gonna be you. You're the one that's gonna die."
- Love it when Nick picks on Jess: "If you're gonna mess with my sink, put some goggles on. Your eyes are twice the size of normal eyes. It's a bigger target."

Don'ts
- The nickname Little Penis. The least clever nickname ever.
- Schmidt ordering a lemon drop shot and then getting ticked off at the non-Nick bartender: "You're killing me with that drop, dude."
- Jess falling for Walt's charms. We thought she'd wise up to him, since she'd been warned: "I'm a sucker for second chances, they are my favorite kind of chance."
- Schmidt and Robbie hiding behind papers and wearing hats at a restaurant to spy on Cece, and then wondering if she saw them... after she came over. Stupid.
- Jess as a "veterinarian": "I wish I had brought my stethoscope. I'm seeing a lot of split ends. The mane is totally the wrong cut for the shape of the face."
- "White Guy Power" and "Cool Guy Power" are equally terrible names.
- Elephant tacos.
- Just us, or was Schmidt's delivery off tonight? Particularly with lines like this: "One billion Indian men is a daunting foe, I suddenly feel an empathy for Pakistan."
- Continued naivety on Jess' part: "Nick only sweats if there's lying involved. There's not lying involved, is there?"
- Cool Guy Power chanting at Cece's door.
- Thinking Cece was having an "Indian orgy."
- Nick taking off his clothes to prove he isn't wearing a wire to deal with the shady horse dealers, his dance and the subsequent sugar attack to get out of being hit by a tire iron.
- Jess doesn't know how to con: "Now you have to talk to each other. You've been conned."
- Too much of a good thing: "One arranged marriage did take place today. The marriage of Schmidt and Robbie. I only dread the day that we defeat all the Indians and must face each other in a duel to the death."

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