There was no way "Table 34" was going to live up to the double whammy of last week's kiss and a new game of True American, but it didn't entirely disappoint, either. And since Schmidt at an Indian marriage convention was far less racist (though still pretty racist) than we would have feared, we're considering the whole thing a win.

Do's
- Nick panic moonwalking away from awkward situations.
- Sam fistbumping in bed, even though it was clearly just an excuse for Jess to be over him.
- Reactions to the kiss: Cece's long high-pitched "whaaaaaaa" scream and Winston punching Nick in the balls (twice).
- Cece vicariously living through Jess's description of the kiss: "I saw through space and time for a minute, but that's not the point."
- The answer to the 'Do you like Nick' question: "Agh, Bah, Nagh. Ni? Nick? No? I don't like Nick. I like Sam. Sam's the kind of guy who fixes things you didn't even know were broken and Nick's the kind of guy who breaks things that are... he breaks things."
- The pop culture reactions to Schmidt's ensemble: "You look like the fortune teller from Big." "You look like a character from The Love Guru."
- The fantastic woman organizing the event, with her questionnaire and her obsession with Winston and/or putting men into tiny spaces.
- Nick trying hard to convince Jess and himself that the kiss didn't mean anything and the gleeful look on his face when he realizes that it did mean something to her.
- The depression at Table 34: "Call me crazy, but I think we're all getting married tonight."
- Why Cece landed at the loser table with Nick: "Over 30, no advanced degree, part-time employment... Table 34."
- Sam being like the best sport ever: "This is a weird date. I always thought we'd go bowling before we went to an Indian marriage convention."
- Nick and Jess' table out of tape (even though he can break a scarf, he can't mess up a roll of masking tape. Guess when he's fighting, he's distracted?).
- True words: "It was like a damned fairy tale, that kiss."
- The cute girl at the speed dating who wanted to talk to Schmidt.
- Nick and Cece having a surprising amount in common. "Because we're bad at life and we both have model good looks."
- Sam punching Nick in the throat: "He's in such terrible shape. You could have killed him."
- Schmidt's speech: "When I came here today I thought India was a pretty cool country. You guys are obviously smart, you look at the roof of a bus and think that's not just a roof, but that's more seating. Kal Penn, he's a genius. Thank you for him. But what I didn't know is that you are a country full of blind idiots. Because in your midst walks a brown angel. That woman, right there. I may be an idiot, but I'm smart enough to know what I lost. You people could have had it all, but you shoved her over there at a table with Nick. Get your crap together, India. Schmidt. Out."
- Nick dancing to Taylor Swift to entertain Jess.
- Nick liking being a homewrecker.
- That the breakup didn't mean automatic forgiveness, or that they are together.

Don'ts
- We're happy that Winston got his mojo back and all, but we're confused about how the logistics of his not using his hands and doing "a lot of side stuff" worked. But that doesn't mean we actually want to know more.
- Schmidt's conversational Hindi: "Do you know where the white person's toilet is?"
- We thought sex with Schmidt was slightly better than this: "Why did the sex always end with you saying 'Blammo... that happened.'"
- Cece's desperate attempt to reenact her role in Lil' Wayne's last video.

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