Season 3 of New Girl kicked off with the manic, yet romantic episode "All In." Now that Nick and Jess are in full-on couple mode (in fact, they took their honeymoon phase to a honeymoon destination), Schmidt and Winston are left to fend for themselves again. Well, Schmidt is still in the midst of his love triangle with Cece and Elizabeth (choose Elizabeth, you fool!) and Winston…likes puzzles and is colorblind. Yes, another season of New Girl means another season of the writers having absolutely no idea what to do with poor Winnie. That said, we did laugh at the episode…we're just hoping that now that Nick and Jess have returned to the loft, they'll all get back on solid ground.
Going All In
Nick and Jess are "all in" because they told each other about 50 times throughout the episode that they were. Only, "all in" meant running off to Mexico for four days to avoid all their problems back at the loft (Nick wanted them to move there for good), sneaking onto a private beach resort and getting "arrested" (more on that in a bit). These two are heavy into each other, from having sex on the side of the road to saying those things you can only say to someone you're stupidly gaga for. ("I've wanted this for so long, I don't want anything to go wrong," "I'm not ready to lose you, I just got you"). Either this is going to be adorable, or we're all going to feel like Schmidt soon. ("Sayonara masturbation, for the rest of my life").
A Tale of Two Schmidtties
Speaking of Schmidt, that douche not only didn't make a choice between Cece or Elizabeth, he lied and stayed with both of them. Even worse, when Cece showed up, he threw Winston under the bus and said his roommate/new best friend had seduced Elizabeth.
Everyday I'm Puzzlin'
As Nick and Jess fall in love and Schmidt tries to choose between his two girlfriends, Winston's plot line involved revealing that he's oddly very into puzzles, despite being as terrible at them as he is at pranks. (He also does them in the nude and while humming made-up tunes). We also find out that he's colorblind. Or, at least, he can't tell the difference between green and brown. As Schmidt wondered aloud after Winston called his green shoes brown, "If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are?"
Nick's Brief Stint in "Jail"
Jeez, even Paradise Nick is a mess. After attempting to make an escape in "international waters" from the resort staff, Nick was put in resort jail. This basically just meant that he hung out in a nice room and watched Ugly Betty, which is good because he would be terrible as someone's bitch in real prison. Of course, the minute he became a "free" man, Nick accidentally shredded his passport.
A Tale of Two Texters
Schmidt not only texts Nick up to 40 times a day (!) but he has him set as "Best Friend Number 1."
Best Zingers and One-Liners
- "Were you two driving around French kissing each other like a couple Dutch hookers?" – Schmidt, to Nick and Jess
- "Pull over! That piñata is shaped like a monkey!" – Paradise Nick
- "This is ages six and up…and you're way up!" – Schmidt, to Puzzle Winston
- "I got a really great deal on Craigslist…I got all of you" – Jess, to her boys
- "I don't carry a key; there's always somebody home" – Regular, Not Paradise Nick
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