The Telefile
New Girl: The Do’s and Don’ts of Catfishing Schmidt as Michael Keaton

Well, that was a pretty bizarre episode of New Girl, even by the standards of the already pretty bizarre Season 3. (Wait, this is what they did with their Halloween episode? It comes but once a year, you guys!).

That said, it did tap into two pretty prevalent things in the pop culture consciousness: Catfish and Michael Keaton. Now, who would have guessed you'd be able to put those things together? Well played (or something), New Girl writers. Here are all the do's and don'ts of last night's "Keaton" episode:

Don't: Believe For One Second That Michael Keaton is Your Lifelong Pen Pal
Schmidt is still is his perpetual downward spiral and Nick tries to call upon an old friend to pull him out of it. No, not Coach. (Where is he?!) Instead, Nick reveals to Jess that when Schmidt was a child, his mother got him out of a depression by writing him letters as Batman star Michael Keaton. When Schmidt got to college, Nick took the reigns as "Michael Keaton" and began emailing (from the totally believable address his pal words of encouragement. Yes, it's a decades-spanning and communication-spanning Catfish to end all fake-out celebrity Catfishes . And, much like the people on that hit MTV show, Schmidt believed what he wanted to believe and thought that he and the star of Multiplicity (a movie he saw multiple times in the theater) were old friends. But after catching his friends writing the texts he was receiving from "Michael Keaton" and then, later, when Jess can't quite pull off being a believable Batman, Schmidt at long last puts two and two together: he is not friends with Michael Keaton, the man who "attacks each new role with the ferocity of a brown bear," and all this was a really bizarre, borderline upsetting storyline. (Okay, maybe I just figured the last part out).

Do: Move Into the Possibly Haunted Apartment Across the Hall
For weeks fans have been trying to guess which loft mate would be moving out. If you guess Schmidt, you were right. After his glass-shattering Keaton revelation, Schmidt nabbed the vacant studio that is literally across the hall from the place he currently lives. (It also, according to Winston and Nick, has a "ghost situation"). Yes, Schmidt grabbed the infamous Douchebag Jar and quoted Billy Joel and got out of there. Of course, in true sitcom fashion, Schmidt was able to procure an apartment in hours' time and gave no fair warning to his roommates, but honestly Schmidt and the show both need this shake-up. (It already worked, considering that the end-credits montage of Schmidt messing around his empty apartment alone was the funniest part of the entire episode). So, exit Schmidt, enter Coach?

Don't: Shotgun Mayo and Deli Meats, Schmidt
Oh god, I'm throwing up in my mouth again just thinking about it.

Do: Pick Some Great Halloween Costumes. It Is Your Halloween Episode, After All!
Nick's assorted car garbage didn't compare to last year's pun-tastic Bee Arthur, but Jess made up for it with her clever Joey Romana Quimby getup and Schmidt with his inspired Public Serpent outfit. And poor Winston… well, bless his heart, he tried to look like David Letterman. As much as an African-American man with a very dated imitation of David Letterman can. (And now, for the second time this season, Winston has been referred to as Maya Angelou).

Don't: Call it the Batman Mobile
It's just the Batmobile, Jess.

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March 2014


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