I never thought I'd relate so well to 30 Rock's Kenneth, but his devotion to the sportsmanship of the Olympics and his fear of SpongeBob SquarePants rang true (It's that laugh. It's creepy.). I spent the better part of two weeks watching and writing about the good, bad and bizarre sporting events that make up the Olympics and I always kinda thought that some of those sports were a little fishy. Like water polo? Totally can't be real. Kenneth discovers that Women's Soccer isn't real either... which I'd always suspected. Anyway, the genius that is Jack Donaghy and the folks at Scheinhardt Wig Company created faux Olympic sports in order to boost the American spirit and win more medals. Yay, good sportsmanship.

Awesome news. Just when I'd run out of excuses to keep writing about the Olympics. Michael Phelps swoops in and saves the day. (Thank you, Michael!) Hot off of his record-breaking performance at the Olympics, swimmer Phelps has been tapped to host the season opener of Saturday Night Live. I'm thinking I might need to find some excuse to work in the office (here at 30 Rock) on Saturday, September 13th so that I can stalk catch a glimpse of the golden boy. Personally, I love when sports stars host SNL. I don't expect them to be funny, so I'm always pleasantly surprised if they are. Plus, its nice seeing the athletes, who are usually so dead serious during their competitions, loosen up a little bit.

Is it wrong that I got a little teary-eyed during the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics this weekend? Not just because they were beautiful and stunning (which they were) but because I kind of feel like there is no way that any Olympics in my lifetime are going to be able to top these in terms of scale and drama. London's a great city and all, but I can't imagine them getting the amount of volunteers (which they estimate to be about 1 million people, some of whom trained for nine months) or spending the amount of cash (which they estimate to be about 40 billion dollars, if you include infrastructure and everything) to create something so very special. From the Opening ceremonies, which left me breathless, to the action in the pool and on the track, which had me on the edge of my seat, to the creative closing ceremonies which turned an oft forgettable event into something magnificently wonderful.

This goes against everything I've complained about for the last two weeks, but I actually kind of enjoyed watching beach volleyball last night. Well, at least the final set. The American team, Todd Rogers and Phil Dalhausser (who have stupid nicknames like the Professor and the Thin Beast) totally dominated the last round and shut out the poor Brazilian guys. It was intense and kind of awesome. I didn't even mind watching the live broadcast until 12:10 in the morning. That is, until Bob Costas popped up to tell me that because the game went so long, our promised coverage of the decathlon (one of the most impressive feats in the Olympics) was getting jettisoned to the wee hours of the morning. But you know, that's how they roll. Two hours of track and field (just sprinting and hurdles), an hour of beach volleyball, an hour of diving and ten minutes of BMX racing, no time for the 20 odd other sports happening. Would it kill them to put in a 20 minute highlight reel of the events on a given day? MSNBC does this update thing, but it is at like 5 in the afternoon when I don't have time to pay attention. A primetime debriefing would be wonderful. Even if they aired it at midnight as a wrap up. It's really too late to do anything about it now, but if they are looking for ideas for the future 2012, that's my suggestion.

Our vloggers, Beth and Val, tackle the tough topic of which Olympians stand a chance at making a decent salary once all the medal hype and hubbub is over. Does it have any thing to do with the wearing of shoes? They seem to think so. They also weigh in on the artistry (or lack thereof) in gymnastics. Check out the video below.

The Olympics have pretty much been unavoidable -- they're all over the internet, TV, and the news, and some of it has been thrilling, some scandalous and some just disappointing. It's been the big topic of conversation around the water cooler and, frankly, it's exhausting to try and keep up with it all and sound intelligent, especially if you had to watch an average of about, say, 10 hours of coverage a day so you could write a daily blog. (Just as an example...) So while we've enjoyed the hype and the fun, we're glad this only comes around every four years (or two, if you count winter, and really, do we need to start counting that?) because we're just looking forward to getting back to our regularly scheduled programming. And that thing... what's it called again? Oh yeah, a life.

Where is the BMX that I was promised at the top of this episode? Not on my TV, unless I blinked and missed it. I thankfully got to catch a little bit of it from the taping that I did in the wee hours of the morning, but I was told there would be primetime coverage and I feel cheated. Also, instead of like 400 hours of soccer or water polo during the day, couldn't they mix it up a little bit? Or, instead of showing the absolutely pointless Gymnastics "gala," (aka encore where people are just doing mini-versions of their routines) how about showing some competition that's still on-going. This is about the competition, not the spectacle, isn't it? I sometimes forget.

I've come to accept that in-between watching exciting sporting events I'll have to suffer through Mary Carillo's random adventures in China and a slew of sob stories, but last night pushed me over the edge. They devoted way too long to sprinter Sanya Richards and her relationship with soon-to-be husband Aaron Ross. He's an NFL star. She's a track star. He won a Super Bowl ring. She wears a massive engagement ring. It was all staged and came across very scripted, and then there was this ridiculous faux race at the end where there was some trash talk and then she left him in the dust... literally. They had time to put in dust as a special effect for this segment. Annoying? Yes. Pointless? Yes. Especially considering that while she was a favorite to win her 400m race, she ended up coming in third place. Still a medal, but not the color she wanted, or the one that we were led to believe was hers for the taking. I wonder if she could have moved faster if she left the giant ring in her locker.

I can't say for sure that the fact that there's nothing live (and a semi-final of beach volleyball does not count at all) is making my enthusiasm for the Olympics wane ever so slightly, but given that some of my favorite sports were airing last night and I wasn't screaming at the TV and cheering along, I'd say that it makes a big difference. Especially if, for instance, you are looking up how to spell a Jamaican athlete's name and just happen to see a big screaming news story that says "Nastia Liukin upset on uneven bars," like I was yesterday. This crap should have spoiler alerts in big letters. Huge. (Speaking of which, during the course of writing this post and trying to figure out how to properly spell the names of pole vaulters, I came across the results of tonight's Olympic balance beam competition. Fan-freakin'-tastic. I'm so angry right now. Not that I'm unhappy with the results, I'm just irritated to know. This is just like the Nagano Olympics and the Tara Lipinski thing all over again. Ugh.) I know it has technically been completed and therefore is not a spoiler, but I didn't have any opportunity to see it on any of the twelve channels playing Olympics all day, every day at my desk, so therefore, it is spoiler alert-worthy. So I spent the entire night basically watching the uneven bars just waiting to see the big judging scandal that has rocked the Olympic world this week.

So apparently there's this thing called the "Olympics" happening right now in some place called "Beijing." I dunno, that's what they tell me. I've been trying to avoid all the hoopla, so certainly all the cutesy human-interest/spoof segments that The Today Show regulars have been doing have been no more than a blip on my radar. But today, you guys? My roommate hollered for me and made me watch this amazing footage of Matt Lauer and Al Roker doing rhythmic gymnastics -- you know, the ribbon dancing thing -- and I couldn't help it! I found it adorable. I mean in addition to the fact that I got to ogle Lauer in a Lycra body stocking (good morning!) there was the sheer darlingness of watching these two shuffle daintily around on tippy-toe, making pretty designs in the air with their pretty ribbons like pretty little gymnasts of love! Oh, and wait til you get to 2:10 -- we've got a cameo from a supercilious-looking Brian "Yumtown" Williams! Ahhhh, I can't handle it! It's too much! It's almost as amazing as Spaghetti Cat! No, it's not. But it's still rad! Watch it and squeal with glee after the jump.