Despite having pretty high expectations going into Newlyweds: The First Year, I wasn't disappointed by last night's series premiere. Bravo is essentially trying to do to marriage what MTV did with teen pregnancy via Teen Mom: show viewers what "actually" goes down once the initial afterglow fades away and reality sinks in -- a concept that isn't entirely original, but still generally unexplored in the low-budget TV landscape.
This morning, Bravo hosted an Upfronts breakfast where Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis told critics just how well Bravo was doing (after taking a few admittedly hilarious cruel shots at a few network alums, including a particularly sharp jab at Real Housewives of New York City's Alex and Simon for how desperate they are) and introduced several executives including, of course, Andy Cohen, to announce about the network's new line-up. Most of the new series blended together, and the sizzle real eventually turned into this one Saturday Night Live sketch:
Shortly after announcing eleven new series yesterday, Bravo held their upfronts in New York City, where Bravolebrities (the most demeaning word to write) walked the blue carpet to discuss their series and skirt around actually saying anything of substance. To spare you mindless quotes that give, at best, vague details about what's going to happen next season on the various Real Housewives franchises, here are the most entertaining quotes of the evening:
I can't imagine anyone went into Bravo's Princesses: Long Island expecting anything other than what we saw in the pilot, aptly titled, "You Had Me at Shalom." I mean, surely Bravo only settled on name after the FCC shot down just plain calling the series JAPS, right? (That would explain why there are a few non-Jewish women shoehorned in there.) Rather than go so far as to dignify these ladies with no firm grasp on reality with individual reactionary descriptions, or the network for so brazenly perpetuating ugly stereotypes, let's just talk about the very worst lines of the pilot and call it a day.
Poor Super Bowl XLVII. It's only the third most-watched program in TV history.
TV Land adds another '90s superstar to its line-up.
You know why scripted workplace comedies like The Office and Workaholics are so appealing? When they're good, they capture that sterile, mundane environment that comes with desk job, but fuse in odd characters and strange storylines in order to combine the familiar with the strange, leading to funny jokes and often even some compelling interpersonal drama. LOLworkkind of does that, only without actors, or writers, or humor, or literally anything that would make it remotely watchable at all, aside from a few cute videos of cats which you can just watch on their freakin' website, or anywhere on the Internet for that matter.
If you saw The Social Network and decided to devote your life to becoming the next Mark Zuckerberg, the new Bravo series Start-Ups: Silicon Valley will probably cure you of that dream pretty quickly. The show may throw out buzzy tech words like social network and unique visitors, but make no mistake -- it's the usual Bravo recipe of overprivileged, aggressively obnoxious white people squabbling with each other over real (though incredibly minor) and imagined conflicts. Even by the network's standards, they've rounded up quite the motley crew here, recruiting six of the most hateable people in all of Silicon Valley to be part of the show. Here's the rundown on the folks who most definitely won't be the next Zuckerberg.
Even the stars of Revolution don't understand why so many people are watching their show.
Bros, rejoice... everyone else, carry on as usual and avoid the movies for a little while.
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