by Angel Cohn, a terrible poet, who doesn't watch The Bachelorette but has been forced to edit the weecaps all season.
DeAnna dear, it's time to choose,
Which bachelor will be denied,
Between these two beaus you just can't lose,
Though for us at home, this season has been refried.
Even though you've kissed and more
And come across like a whore
These last two months have been quite a bore.
We're hard-pressed to decide if the most annoying habit on reality TV right now is Frederik (Million Dollar Listing) doing high kicks when he makes a deal, or Bear Grylls (Get Out Alive) stalking people with binoculars and then telling them they need to be better about eating maggots. Either way, they both drive us crazy but neither of them are as horrible as these people.
In the biggest reality surprise of the week, Brian (from The American Baking Competition) did a complete 180. The guy who had been cocky, off-putting and pretty rude the entire time decided to be a human being and actually help the adorable James with a challenge. It didn't save poor James, but it did dramatically change our opinion of Brian.
Things we didn't need to hear this week: Gia and Joe Giudice on Real Housewives of New Jersey) chatting about how she has a hairy grill and the birds and the bees; Susan on Hell's Kitchen discussing her pubic grooming habits; and Cathy from Dance Moms talking trash about Abby Lee Miller. The Candy Apples-focused Dance Moms nearly killed us, but these other people still managed to be even worse examples of humankind:
It's obvious what Eva Longoria and NBC were trying to do with Ready for Love: Cash in quite belatedly on the fame of The Bachelor using the "science" and snark of Millionaire Matchmaker. Unfortunately, this show is so poorly edited, egregiously sexist and clearly low-budget, it's much closer to The Choice meets Fashion Star and has all of the authenticity of Burning Love. Rather than validate Ready for Love by giving it a straight-up review, I'll instead list the very worst things about the show.
And once again, The Walking Dead has a new showrunner.
Weirdly, none of the people from Freakshow behaved inappropriately, it was the rest of the reality world that seems to house the true freaks.
From creepy to overconfident, this week's contenders have a knack for lingering where they are wanted.
Steven Tyler showing up in drag on American Idol didn't even come close to making our list, so you know people had to be really crappy this week.
Half of Two Parties was so good -- like, series-highlight, disappointed-in-the-middle-of-the-episode-that-there-were-only-so-many-minutes-left, waiting-for-this-premise-to-turn-into-a-feature-length-movie good. The other half felt oversaturated, rushed and disorganized, and a waste of Donna with a male stripper and Leslie, Ann and April surrounded by penises and alcohol.
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