A couple weeks ago I was watching TV with my mom and I had a great idea for a reality show but I got lazy and never wrote anything up. It involved three of the dopiest guys currently on reality television, Jason Castro from American Idol, Mark Simmons from Top Chef and Erik Reichenback from Survivor: Micronesia. At that point, I just loved how they all had the same laid back and chill vibe about them, they were all fairly attractive in that cute little puppy kind of way and they just made me laugh. Now with in the span of a week, they've all been axed from their respective shows in such ridiculous ways that I kind of want them together because that much dumbness in one place has to make for some fascinating TV. Come on, like The Hills is so deep. I just want to see these three guys living in a house together and see what the hell happens, if anything, or if they just can't exist out in the real world. Now is the perfect time for them to get together and make my reality dreams come true.
When corporate synergy and blog fodder collide! The writers of CBS's CSI and Two and a Half Men will swap jobs for one episode each next week, resulting in what will probably be the first funny Two and a Half Men episode in its history and debilitating confusion for CSI's exclusively elderly fanbase.
This made us wonder, what if the other networks made crossover episodes of their shows? And we're off!
Keckler joins The Telefile for a rant on the new and "improved" Masterpiece Theatre, now going by "Masterpiece" -- and pissing her off.
What is your problem, PBS? No, really -- what did I ever do to you? All I EVER did was LOVE you. I counted on your programs, your non-advertising bumpers, your soothing constancy. There was even a parentally-restricted time in my life when I watched only you and no one else. So why did you have to go and turn me into a "that's not how it used to be!" crank? At the (sort of) tender age of 34, no less!
I suppose you're now going to go and pretend you don't know what you did? Fine, I'll tell you: Masterpiece Theatre. Oh, sorry, it's Masterpiece now, isn't it? What -- the second word was too much to handle? We live in such an impatient blog-ridden society that no one can manage to wait around for a two-word title? Wait, I know -- it was the use of "Theatre" and not the Jane Austen, Elizabeth Gaskell, and E.M. Forster that made the series seem too intellectual for all those PBS-watching theatre-phobes. Like Masterpiece alone is so much better. It's just hanging out there all cold and unfinished. "Masterpiece" what? Society? Barbecue Sauce?
And what is up with that new intro? Instead of a wending trip through library piles of gold-stamped, leather-bound books, you're giving me animation? A Reading Rainbow-esque book flipping leaves so bizarrely long and pliable they look like Kleenex? Growing up, I didn't WANT an animated book; I WANTED gold-stamped, leather-bound books! You made me want them! You made me read them!
I think we all can agree, having watched America's Next Top Model for 49 cycles now, that what makes a top model in the Tyraverse is not any of the model-esque qualities you might assume are prerequisites -- superior height, facial symmetry, a runway walk not copied from Peter Boyle's performance in Young Frankenstein -- but rather the "desire," the "really wanting this"-ness. By which of course I mean the undignified, and un-optional, coating of Tyra's giant ass in damp kisses, the better to evolve Tyra's delusion of herself as a benign (and gigantic) Henrietta Higgins who Does Good For People. A girl's real-world modeling potential is irrelevant here -- fortunately, since few of the contestants have any such thing, which, naturally, is why they get onto the show in the first place. Nobody with a snowball's chance in hell of getting work in the industry on her own is as pathetically grateful for the faux-pportunities offered by ANTM (for real, the Seventeen readership's age tops out at around 13), and it's that pathetic gratitude that Tyra requires.
Tyra has gotten more and more obnoxiously imperious in the last year or two, but her fucktardedly outsized sense of her own importance isn't a problem per se -- at least, not compared with the problem it must pose for her employees. What is a problem, from a television standpoint, is that that grandiose insistence on choosing the girl who thanks/beseeches/admires Tyra the most fervently, instead of the girl who's the best qualified (or, you know, qualified at all), voids the competition of any significance. Tyra doesn't think we notice it, I suspect; Tyra doesn't see, or is not hearing anyone who tries to tell her, that the motives behind her choices are increasingly obvious.
Not to crib half of today's blog entries from the headlines over at PopWatch or anything, but Marc Vera wondered today why nobody's watching Journeyman. As the editorial staff's designated "So You Don't Watch Any Sitcoms, But You'll Watch Close To Home" Weirdo, I'd like to address that.
First of all, people do watch Journeyman. I watch it, Sepinwall watches it, Deggans watches it. But this is, perhaps, part of the issue -- because you'll see the common thread there is that we watch TV for a living; so does Marc Vera. But the fact that critics watch a show doesn't necessarily translate into ratings, as we've all seen a hundred times.
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