The second season may have not started yet, but Spartacus isn't going anywhere anytime soon.
The sweeping fairytale romance between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries officially ended last Monday, and we're heartbroken because it seemed like they were in it for the long haul. We're kidding, of course -- like most sane onlookers, we assumed the two were in a sham relationship orchestrated to generate media coverage and further her fame. But as cacophonous as the frenzy over their nuptials (and now split) was, we thought we could at least escape it by losing ourselves in our favorite scripted shows -- except for the fact that TV is filled with its share of equally unbelievable pairings. Here are the ones we really can't believe in:
To be clear, this list has nothing to do with characters we miss. When we write "Want Back From the Dead," we mean "Want Back For Full-Out Zombie Vengeance." Our choices have little to do with how much we liked (or loathed) these now-dead characters, and everything to do with how awesome it would be to see them return to their shows and eat the human flesh of their former cast mates during a monstrous apocalypse. Spoilers abound, so beware!
With fall TV in full swing, there are already shows getting cancelled, others getting full-season pickups and still more returning shows that could use a little help. While some programs have problems that could take an entire year to repair (see: House), these other series just need some quick fixes that would make them exponentially more entertaining almost immediately.
So a coach and a long-haired hippie walk onto a reality show...
Television is no place for children. Between Teen Mom, Toddlers & Tiaras and Dance Moms, we cringe for those poor kids who are clearly growing up in dysfunctional homes. But as bad as it is to be forced into pageantry or to have Amber Portwood as your mother, at least reality kids don't have it quite has awful as many of the tykes on scripted series. Here are the ones that really need to have a fictional Child Protective Services intervene on their behalf:
If you watched the Combat Hospital premiere (or even just saw the promo), you may have had a strange feeling that you were watching the cancelled Shonda Rhimes vehicle Off the Map, except in a war zone. That's because you were! But actually, Combat Hospital isn't a Shonda show at all. But it's got all of the elements, and not just of Off the Map -- we noticed striking similarities to Grey's and Private Practice.
It's nearly Valentine's Day and while we could delight in recalling the romantic TV couples that made us swoon in the past, or list the cute almost-couples we want to have hook up now, we've opted instead to focus on current pairings who just have no business at all being together. Perhaps we've just got cold black hearts, but we'd love to see these folks split up for everyone's sake, especially viewers like us.
We're not sure that the world really needs a spinoff to Criminal Minds, but then again, we didn't think sub-divisions of Law & Order were necessary and SVU and Criminal Intent proved us wrong by being far more enjoyable than their mothership. And while spinoffs may not always grab us right off the bat (like NCIS: Los Angeles), sometimes a new series just needs a little time before it starts improving upon its predecessor. Case in point: The City returned this week with new characters and a compelling new focus that made it far more watchable than the now totally contrived LC-less The Hills. But these aren't the only shows that have been better than their originals. Here's our look back at the best spinoffs from the past two decades:
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