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TWoP 10: Ways To Fix The Bachelorette

by Angel Cohn July 31, 2009 6:00 am
TWoP 10: Ways To Fix <i>The Bachelorette</I>

The Bachelorette has steadily become more and more excruciatingly painful to watch each and every season. There's so much filler now, and the show is totally irrelevant as the majority of couples usually break up as quickly as they get together. Plus, every episode is "very special" or "shocking" when it really isn't at all. They spoiled Reid's surprise return in the previews the week before. And did anyone actually really think that Jillian would pick Kiptyn when she couldn't shut the hell up about Ed after he came back? It's not just Jillian's fault that this particular season was so terrible -- the entire show needs a major overhaul (and so does The Bachelor, but one thing at a time), and here are some ideas for improving it.

1. Background Checks
This whole issue of Wes having a girlfriend or not, or Dave having anger management issues, really got in the way of the actual point of the show this season. The producers need to do a better job of weeding out people who are just there to stir up trouble. It isn't fun for anyone to watch and it can't be fun for the Bachelorette to have to deal with.

2. Make the Proposals Mean Something
So many times on this show, in the time between the proposal at the finale and the "after the final rose" special, the couples have realized they aren't right for each other. Being separated all that time doesn't help a relationship (and since we saw no pics of Ed and Jillian in the tabloids, it's hard to believe they've actually "been together all summer" like they claim). So film the majority of the season, then let the Bachelorette in question actually spend time with the final two or three guys to see how they actually live their lives -- when there aren't Fantasy Suites and lavish dates planned. And then have the final rose ceremony right before the finale airs so that the Bachelorette can make a better choice... one that might lead to an actual lasting marriage instead of a TV proposal.

3. Let the Gal Do the Proposing
While we're on the subject of the proposals, why does the girl have to have the guy propose on this show? She's the one picking who she wants to be with. She should be the one suggesting marriage. That would cut down on all the "will you propose if I keep you until the end" conversations that run rampant on this show.

4. Add Spies
Viewers always harp all over the Bachelorette for making poor decisions, or not realizing what an ass the guy she was crushing on is, but it's not always entirely her fault (though in Jillian's case... she's pretty damned oblivious). What this show really needs is a friend to the Bachelorette who is hiding out among the group of potential suitors. Be it a brother/best buddy/total stranger, the Bachelorette should be privy to some info on how these guys act when she's not around. If that's too much trouble, just let her see some of the interview footage that they tape of the gents, or even some of them hanging out. It would actually let her make more of an informed decision... for a change.

5. Once They Are Gone, They Stay Gone
What the hell is the point of handing out roses and doing the elimination ceremonies if people can just come back whenever they want? It was bad enough that Ed left midseason of his own volition and then begged to come back, but then to have Jake come back just to stir up Wes gossip, and Reid come back to get ditched yet again, was just way too much to handle. These are "adults" -- if they leave and don't say what is on their mind and feel they had unfinished business, that's their problem. Not ours. Save it for the reunion.

6. Only One Reunion
Let's get rid of this "Men Tell All" uselessness that just fills up a week without amounting to much of anything. Let's combine that with the "After the Final Rose" malarkey and just get it over all at once. All the guys, and Jillian, rehashing everything in front of a studio audience, and air it live after the final episode, so we can get some actual reactions to what aired, and not pre-taped phoniness.

7. Make It Shorter
For the love of god, this show needs to only be an hour a week. It is understandable the first week or two, when there are 20-30 guys floating around that it may merit super-sized episodes, but after that, cut it back. Everything gets stretched out and we end up seeing footage that we've already seen a million times. There is no need for every episode of the season to be two hours.

8. Get a New Host
Chris Harrison does have the worst job, having to deal with wishy-washy bachelorettes and give them advice that they don't listen to, and then he doesn't even get to go on their fabulous trips abroad. But he's clearly miserable, and it shows. This show needs to be infused with a fresh new host, not someone who is jaded after a million lame seasons. Put Chris, and everyone else, out of their misery.

9. Better Casting
These shows are filmed so early that it annoys us when the suitors say they love the current Bachelorette and watched her in her season and applied because they were crazy about her. They'd likely have already been in the process of auditioning before The Bachelor aired many episodes, or before the Bachelorette was announced. It's irritating. And we know that this show loves to take a broken-hearted girl who America has an attachment to and give her a shot, but it might be nice once in a while to find some fresh-faced girl to break the cycle.

10. Less Sex Talk
The idea of the Bachelorette making out and sleeping with a bunch of guys on her fantasy dates is gross enough, but we really don't need to hear about it. Having to see Ed's issues with erectile dysfunction this season was too much information. Especially when followed up with his successful sleepover, accompanied by cheesy footage of an exploding volcano. Classy. Then the duo talked during the reunion about how they can't get enough bedroom time -- ick. We were at least glad Reid refrained from asking his question about the fantasy suite. Some things are best left to the imagination. We don't need to see it all.

What are your thoughts on fixing this show, or is it a hopeless case?

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