VH1 launched a new series last night with the subtle title My Big Friggin' Wedding. It follows some lovely Jersey and Long Island girls as blushing brides, really anticipating their magical walk down the aisle. Basically, it's Bridezillas meets Jersey Shore meets My Super Sweet 16 with a dash of Teen Mom thrown in for good measure. Five couples are planning their big day, and we flip between them seeing how they all cope. While I can't see it having the same pop culture success as Jersey Shore, there is an addictive trainwreck quality about this show that makes it hard to look away from.
The thing about Jersey Shore or even The Real Housewives of New Jersey that makes them work is that their obnoxious personalities are forced into awkward situations together. Here, there are some nightmare personas of Angelina proportions, but when they aren't in the same house together, it's less fun because there's no one to call them out on their bull. If these five couples were forced to interact in order to compare wedding plans and try to outdo each other, the show would be infinitely better.
The other worrisome aspect, which thankfully isn't an issue on Jersey Shore, is the fact that many of the My Big Friggin' stars have children or are pregnant - and yet they still get up to the same ridiculous fist-pumping antics as The Situation and Snooki. It's sort of terrifying to think about any of these people raising kids and clearly, most of them aren't actually ready to get married. Though I guess if these idiots have found each other, maybe they truly are soul mates.
Here's how the My Big Friggin' characters shake out in order of my interest, starting with the dull couples whose segments I'll likely be fast-forwarding through next week:
Joey & Sandra
She kindly informed us that getting married in New York is very competitive. So how does she plan on having the best day? By going tanning. Seriously. Their entire wedding so far involves the two of them turning a nice shade of orange for their big day. Oh, and she repeatedly saying that it is her day so she should get her way about everything. Naturally he disagrees. That is clearly a match made in heaven.
Danny & Tammie
Not sure where they found this annoying Jersey girl, but I would really like her to return to her hair salon and stay there forever. She says she's 27, but looks much older than that... even with the Botox she gets during the premiere episode (against her budget-conscious fiancée's wishes). She also insists that she's multi-cultural now because she's marrying a Haitian man named Danny. She is completely oblivious to the fact that his teenage children hate her guts and doesn't understand why they aren't more supportive of their wedding. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Danny was already married when they met? Danny, who barely says two words, just repeatedly tells the cameras and his son that he was on his way to divorcing his wife and if it wasn't Tammie, it would have been someone else. But would this someone else have forced her seamstress to take in her wedding dress around the ass so she could properly do the booty pop? And would she have resented her own sister for getting pregnant and taking attention away from her during her wedding-planning time? And would she have a little dog that she considers her child and wants to walk down the aisle at her wedding despite priest objections? What I'm saying is, it seems like Danny could have done better.
Matt & Amanda
Not much happened with them in the first episode, but these two have potential to really be awesome television. And that's not even really factoring in Matt's chain-smoking mom who hates Amanda. Well, maybe a little bit. But these two have been engaged for a while and had such a charming courtship: She was dating one of Matt's friends. When said friend went to jail, she and Matt hooked up. They also got tattoos of their wedding date, but he left her at the tattoo parlor to go get booze. He also has already called her annoying, and she hates his mother's beloved espresso maker. Let the fighting commence!
Johnny & Megin
She has one kid from a previous relationship and is pregnant with his child. When they met, she was engaged to someone else, and he was married. They split with their significant others so they could be together. This is such a case of opposites attract: Aside from her desire to "pop the kid out" before her wedding so she can drink during the festivities, she seems to be a hard-working, traditional girl with a financial sort of job. He, on the other hand, has dubbed himself "Johnny Meatballs" and is trying to build an empire around making meatballs... even though his cooking skills seem questionable. He would also like their wedding to be one big night at the club with "jammin' dance music," a flyer in lieu of an invitation and nothing traditional. He is also largely unemployed, much to her dismay. I foresee a lot of drama around the family if she lets him get his way about anything, especially since her mom (who wants her daughter to have a Cinderella day) is footing the bill.
Tyler & Alyssa
These two are clearly my favorites. They've been together a few years, they met at a keg party (aw, underage drinking = romance. So sweet, right?) and she got pregnant with his kid when she was 19. They now have a three-year-old, live together in a big house and drive a Mercedes. They plan on rocking this wedding "South Jersey style" (whatever that means) and they both have a strong affinity for anything alcohol-related. Seriously, they are always drinking and he's excited for the wedding mostly because of the party. We saw her get tipsy and say she isn't sure if she'd marry him if they hadn't had their daughter. She also talks a lot about the shaving of balls, classy little thing that she is. And while she's amazing and prone to crying, her mom is the thing that makes this couple my instant favorite. She's a total lush, fills her wine glasses to the top and is just a mess all around. This is going to be My Big Fat Sloppy Wedding, and I can't wait.
Did you watch the premiere? Leave your thoughts below.
Was A Celebration of Monsters With SUVs really the original title for this show? See what our vlogger Sean Crespo had to say about the series here:
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