Truth be told, I did not specifically remember little Eden Wood out of all the other pageant children on Toddlers & Tiaras. I also don't entirely understand why Logo, of all networks, decided to give this seven-year-old her own reality show, but I assume it has something to do with connections from her "King of Reality" manager, Andrew Sullivan. Whatever the case, the pilot was fun and mindless enough except for one obviously glaring problem: Not enough Eden!

I've long held the theory that reality shows cannot thrive in Miami -- look at the Real Housewives of Miami, Miami Social, 8th & Ocean (though the seasons of Top Chef and Bad Girls Club that were in South Beach were pretty awesome, though those shows travel every season and aren't dependent on the surroundings the way that the former series were, but I digress) -- so my hopes for the South Florida spin-off Lifetime's already surprisingly wonderful Pittsburgh-based Dance Moms were exceedingly low. And the show somehow still managed to disappoint me beyond that. Here's why it doesn't work:

Had The Pauly D Project premiered several years ago and not after five arduous seasons of Jersey Shore, I would've been way more excited about the prospect of a Pauly D spin-off -- sure, at the time, his career as a DJ sounded like a total joke, but thanks to his pretty excellent personality, Pauly has long been one of my favorite members of the cast. Unfortunately, I've grown extremely tired of the Shore crew and the fame machine the show has become. Where "Oh yeah!" and "Cabs are here!" used to be fun catchphrases, seeing them emblazoned on every ad on MTV is more tiresome than endearing at this point. And the fact that Pauly is in his 30s now makes his act much less cute.

Did you watch Ink Masters on Spike? If so, skip this watered-down version as Best Ink is an almost identical series, but more brightly colored. That said, if you like your tattoo shows to be clean cut and refer to the people possibly saddled with a sucky tattoo for life as "skins" instead of "human canvases," then this might be for you.

After five long seasons of Jersey Shore and months of complaining about how frustrating the unspoken fame component to MTV's juggernaut is, I think I have finally found an answer to my woes: Brooklyn 11223. After sitting through several Shore clones and a few too many Housewives spin-offs, this new Oxygen docu-soap about a group of 20-somethings living in the close-knit community of Gravesend, Brooklyn is a breath of fresh, dramatic air. Here's why:

What the hell did we just watch? After seeing the pilot episode of NBC's Fashion Star, we cannot remember what expectations we had of it, other than we thought it sounded vaguely like a Project Runway rip-off. Don't get us wrong -- it kind of is one, but we think it missed the mark so badly that we've gone beyond the wannabe zone and straight into the disaster phase. Here's why it can't possibly stack up to the O.G. of fashion shows:

While All-American Muslim was by no means a perfect show (we're still pissed at Shadia for the Wrigley incident), we were disappointed to learn that TLC cancelled it last week. Normalizing (and I use that word in the context of the social climate) Muslim-Americans to mainstream audiences -- even if some of the people on that show were annoying -- is a worthy cause, and All-American Muslim did do a bit of service to the community simply in terms of representing this diverse culture on television. If there was any hope that Shahs of Sunset would do anything to continue to teach viewers that Iranian-Americans were no different than "you and me," this program may have chosen the wrong handful of people to showcase.

I didn't watch Season 1 of I Love Jenni, mun2's unscripted hit about icon Mexican-American superstar singer Jenni Rivera, despite it being the highest rated reality series on Hispanic cable television in 2011. Honestly, I've never dedicated more than a few minutes of my time to anything on mun2. And -- here's the kicker -- I've never heard of Jenni Rivera before (which is slightly shameful, given her numerous achievements in the Latin music world)... but I do have many hours of reality TV-watching under my belt, and can recognize that there's something special about this series.

Apparently, MTV is in lock-down crisis-mode thanks to unconfirmed reports that Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is three months pregnant. We're not sure why the network is freaking out -- this is clearly an excellent career move for Snooki, and the perfect opportunity for a Jersey Shore spin-off we'd actually watch (even with Jionni). To help MTV see things our way, we're compiled a list of potential show names/ideas for the (supposedly) expecting Jersey girl:

It was initially disappointing to find out that Teen Mom 2 would take away precious screen time from our beloved Teen Mom, but as it turns out, after two solid seasons, the second installment of "Look How Depressing the Lives of the 16 & Pregnant Girls Are Now" gives Teen Mom a run for its money in several ways -- we're even slightly excited for the recently announced Teen Mom 3. If, however, you only have room for one teen baby mama drama in your life, here's how the two current series stack up: