The season premiere of Bachelor Pad revolved less around the house's potential hookups and mostly around the love/hate triangle of Jake, Vienna and Kasey. Is this going to be how the entire summer plays out? If so, I'm dreading it. I was actually hoping that Kasey would be eliminated and that Rated R would stick around. Yes, Rated R was the wrestler jerk who was dating multiple girls and got chased around bushes by Ali on The Bachelorette, but he was pretty amusing last night as he introduced himself to his partner while they were tangled up together, and when he compared Kasey and Vienna's relationship to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy and even when he grabbed the rose off of Jake's chest on his way out the door.

What's there to say about The Glee Project? It's just so bad it's good, and it's brought us so much happiness because of that. A bunch of egotistic theater kids testing the patience of singing coaches and choreographers, all trying to stand out by putting on secondhand embarrassment-inducing performances...It's winning, it really is. Remember when Matheus took his shirt off? Or when Ellis had her first kiss? We really have come quite a ways since those first few weeks -- and it shows; the aforementioned secondhand embarrassment is now at a minimum. Which is why last night's elimination got us thinking: One of these kids really is going to be on Glee next season. For seven episodes! They'll have songs on iTunes and tweet pictures with the cast and maybe even become someone's love interest. So what roles will they take on? Well, we're sure you're shocked -- but we've got some suggestions.

Jersey Shore's much hyped trip to Italy finally premiered last night. While the show featured a lot of things that the franchise is known for, it was majorly lacking in one thing it normally has an abundance of: drama (even of the manufactured kind). Instead the episode was filled with a lot of slapstick comedy moments. So apparently the show has become a sitcom now? It sort of makes sense because these people are basically real-life caricatures. Here are the most ridiculous moments from the season opener:

It's the week of Jersey Shore and yet those morons weren't the worst people on TV... yet. Let's give them time, shall we? In the meantime, see who did make the cut.

I'll cut right to the chase. I didn't like this show. At all. And, I'm kind of disappointed because I actually thought that I might. I had previously enjoyed at least one episode of the short-lived SyFy series Chase (where people were on the run from hunters, and the longer they lasted, the more cash they racked up) and The Phone (where two teams got cell phone calls and had to race for a prize), but I barely made it through the premiere of Take the Money and Run, despite having seen a hunk of it during The Bachelorette. Even in installments, it's pretty terrible.

First off, either my tolerance has improved in the past week, or the ladies were slightly less deafening last night. Only marginally, but it still seemed like they had maybe lost some steam. There weren't even really any good zingers, just a rehashing of the Herman Munster shoes and whatnot. Still, there were a few entertaining moments amidst the nitpicky fights. Here are the highlights:

Honestly, honestly, honestly -- and I'm gonna be real with you, because I'm real -- Bad Girls Club is back, bitches. Though Season Six was maybe the worst in the series' history, starting off Season Seven with breakfast in bed got me all warm and fuzzy inside. From the fabulous editing (Jersey Shore can really learn a thing or two about ironic cuts and the use of filters) to the ridiculous reasons for fighting, there's good reason to believe that New Orleans will breathe the life back into this show. In order to further my case, let's take a look at the most memorable lines spewed, shouted and shrieked in this premiere.

For the past 30 years, MTV has been a major part of my life. And on its 30th birthday (which probably puts it soundly out of its own demographic), it seems important to acknowledge that while the show was originally a haven for music video, the network switched gears in the '90s when it more or less invented something entirely new: reality TV. Ever since Julie from Alabama met Eric the male model back in 1992, the network has been in the forefront of innovation of the genre, creating the candid reality show, the competition reality show, celebreality and a multitude of other subgenres that have transformed the television industry for good and for ill. So while there's a part of me that still misses Downtown Julie Brown, those antiquated things called videos and Remote Control, I can't help but be impressed by how MTV has changed the way TV gets real.

This week saw the beginning of a new season of LA Ink, and while we really, really, really wanted to put Kat Von D on this list for everything that's going on outside of the show, not to mention the fact she got a picture of Jesse James (as a child!) tattooed on her, she was actually really sweet in this episode. It's still a bad idea to get someone's face permanently put on your skin (particularly given what has unfolded since) but she was cute with that little hairless cat and the woman with the dead daughter and that sad girl she inexplicably took in. She may make awful life decisions, but she does them from a good place, so she gets a pass this week. The others on this list... not so much.

Oh man. I needed earplugs for this one. Just so much screaming and everyone talking over each other. The look of horror on Neil Patrick Harris' face during Watch What Happens Live really spoke volumes about the insanity that unfolded during this hour and a half of vocal adrenaline. Because of all the screaming, it's hard to take anyone's side on anything... and perhaps after my RHONY-induced migraine subsides, I'll be able to process who is right and who is just trying to get more screentime. But for now, here are the superlatives and all-around most insane moments of the night.