Screw you, dudes who canceled Studio 60! You can't keep the lovable Matthew Perry down! The former Chandler Bing has signed on to star in the developing series The End of Steve (I swear, when I read that title I assumed it was another 90210 spin-off about someone trying to kill Steve for some reason, which makes no sense and would be the worst show ever -- then I got scared. Don't worry, I was totally wrong) about a radio DJ in a dead-end job in Rochester, NY who wants out. Perry's character is also reportedly real big on swearing, and the show's creator promises that he will even drop the C-word in the very first episode. Oh, creator guy, do you promise?! I don't know guys, who do you think will pick this thing up? ABC Family? Yeah, probably ABC Family, you're right.

Ah, good old Joan Rivers. She gives me hope that no matter how senile or pill-addled I get in my dotage, I can still make my bread and butter. Who doesn't giggle with glee when she interviews people on the red carpet wearing shades to keep the camera from seeing her wonky Paula Abdul eyes and asks inappropriate questions that seem not so much intentional as plain clueless. Love it!

Someone named Daisy (who was described to me as "the one who looks like Janice from the Muppets" -- not helpful, Angel) recently told TMZ that she had done some dirty things with Bret Michaels, even though he has a girlfriend (someone named Ambre, which I'm told is pronounced "Amber" and not "Am-Bree" like it's spelled -- not helpful, whoever named Ambre). This has apparently become very big news because Ambre has taken to her Myspace blog to defend her man's honor. Keep in mind her man is Bret Michaels, so I don't really understand why she's bothering, but here's what she had to say:

"Daisy has no involvement with Bret and my relationship, therefore there is no validity to her statement."

So yeah, he totally nailed that Daisy person. Probably wore a red bandana when he did it, too. He's Bret Michaels. I'm Mindy Monez. I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I'm so confused! Is Fox a soul-less trash receptacle for right-wing news media and dehumanizing reality shows or a haven for groundbreaking comedy programming? Maybe, like that Young Republican you dated who could simultaneously defend Scalia and crack jokes that made you pee, it's a little bit of both?

It seems the suits over there are finally coming to their senses, because The Hollywood Reporter is dishing dirt that the network inked a first-look deal with the one and only Jason Bateman to develop a slew of new series. This two years after they cancelled the Bateman vehicle (and stroke of comic genius) Arrested Development. But now the B-Man -- who recently directed the pilot for the new Fox comedy series Do Not Disturb and will lend his voice to the upcoming Mitchell Hurwitz cartoon chucklefest Sit Down and Shut Up -- is back in the saddle.

Katherine Heigl withdrew her name from the Emmy submissions this year because she hates the Grey's Anatomy writing staff and doesn't care who knows about it. She told the L.A. Times:

"I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials."

I think we all can agree that Lisa from Top Chef is one of the most unpleasant human beings ever seen on television. But as if her whining, bitching, backstabbing and general lack of basic social skills weren't annoying enough, it turns out the chef who's had her ass handed to her at the judges' table more times than anyone else this season has the audacity to be, of all things, an elitist. When asked by the NY Daily News if she's been following the online coverage of TC, she had this to say:

"Oh no, I don't read the blogs -- you couldn't pay me to read the blogs. I don't want to know what people who can't even afford to eat in my restaurant, let alone know how to cook have to say about me, and the few comments I did read on Eater.com a few weeks back because my job asked me to read 'em. The best they could come up with was that I was ugly."

I'm not kidding. If Danny Bonaduce, Screech, Dennis Rodman, the girl who played Tabitha on Bewitched and Frank Stallone getting into a ring and wrestling each other on national television for cash doesn't signal the end, I don't know what does. Oh, and did I mention that Hulk Hogan is hosting? Because he is. Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling airs this fall. On CMT, where it belongs.

Variety is reporting that cancer-stricken Roadhouse vet Patrick Swayze will star in a new TV series called The Beast. Alas, the show does not, as the name might imply, fall into the sci fi genre. (Swayze with tentacles!?). Nor will it be a re-imagining of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale in the manner of the Linda Hamilton-helmed late-Eighties TV masterpiece of the same name. (Swayze with a cleft palate and furry face?!). Instead, it will follow the trials and tribulations of a renegade FBI agent and his straight-laced partner. (Swayze with a badge and a bad attitude.) Yawn. The good news is that the green-light portends a clean bill of health for the actor, whose diagnosis of pancreatic cancer back in March seemed bleak as fuck. Being deeply involved with an on-going TV project doesn't guarantee that Swayze's out of the woods, but one would think that if he was getting ready to sing his swan song, he'd opt for something a bit more prestigious ... Like, say, a re-imagining of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale in the manner of the Linda Hamilton-helmed late-Eighties TV masterpiece (see above).

Over the course of the last few years, Showtime has been working hard to shed its image as HBO's nerdy younger sibling. Like a pubescent high school girl who's evolved from tentative nerd (Angela Chase) to popular ho (Kelly Taylor) to reckless bad-ass who just don't give a fuck (Marissa Cooper), we've seen the channel blossom before our very eyes. They brought us The L Word and Queer As Folk -- because it's natural to experiment. Then came Weeds --- because everyone knows that drugs make you cooler. Then came the much-anticipated Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Because everyone loves a slut. And just yesterday it was announced that the premium channel has picked up United States of Tara, a new comedy series penned by tattooed It-screenwriter Diablo Cody about a woman with dissociative identity disorder. Because if we learned anything from Britney, it's that mental disorder is the new black.

Rooster McConaughey is a shining light of inspiration, and there should be some sort of Nobel Peace Prize for him. Like all the great human rights activists before him, Rooster's tireless and fearless efforts (to become famous) have opened doors for the less fortunate everywhere. By "less fortunate", I mean the less talented and far less attractive siblings of celebrities. And don't give me any crap like, "Oh, but what about Randy Quaid?" or, "I actually bought Solange's album and it's not that bad", or "Hey, Billy Baldwin's in pictures!" No! As far as I'm concerned, Rooster is the only hero here.