The E! Upfront felt very true to the E! Network brand -- the red carpet was fenced by fangirls and boys screaming at the top of their lungs whenever a new celebrity arrived, the party's decor was like being inside of someone's swanky living room, the presentation was completely phoned-in and all of the big E! stars left within an hour of the party (sadly, the Burning Love gang never even showed up)... save for Ryan Lochte, who was too engulfed in a sea of drooling women with camera phones (present company included) to escape with the rest of his new coworkers. Compare this to the Bravo Upfronts presentation, where there were at least a few risks taken programming-wise, and then the Bravo party, where those no-good reality stars at least stayed well into the night -- though realistically, they were probably contractually obligated to. But still. It was way more fun and better planned.
When Bridalplasty, the new E! reality show where women will weaponize their self-loathing and battle each other to win plastic surgery procedures in time for their wedding was announced a couple months ago, we figured it was OK to laugh at it because it wasn't a reality yet. It was just an insane idea that sounded like something out of Idiocracy, and that soon E! would realize how much crap Fox caught for The Swan and maybe decide it wasn't worth it and scrap the whole ridiculous thing. But then a teaser trailer hit the internet today, and this thing got real.
Gaga mentoring the American Idol kids... will this include meat dresses?
This is your lawyer.
Last night, the hotly dreaded Bridalplasty was unleashed unto the world, and, as expected, it was sadder and more disgusting than an Animal Hoarders episode. It's a show in which ladies with destitute self-esteem levels get into their bikini bottoms and let a plastic surgeon point out all the "flaws" that cover 90 percent of their bodies with a marker on television, and E! doesn't even bother to blur their nipples properly. That is how little E! cares for them! I mean really. At least try to conceal your exploitation of these women with some pixelation, for the love of God!
The Donald continues to humiliate celebrities better than they even humiliate themselves. God bless that dandelion-haired man.
First a sitcom and now a talk show? Which sick jokester out there keeps giving Whitney Cummings work?!
There is life after Lost (on other dead-end series) for Henry Ian Cusick, a comeback for deranged duo Beavis and Butthead (do we really want them back, Mike Judge??), and an Oscar winner takes a hit at Showtime's Weeds. Not a bong hit as far as we know yet...
Noooooooooooooooooo! My very favorite Armenian giantess Khloe Kardashian is going to jail! Apparently KK violated parole for a DUI from a few years back and the mean old judge threw the book at her! I hope her sentence falls in to the Nicole Richie space-time continuum, which would mean that she'd be in jail for a total of about twelve minutes.
I'm trying to look on the bright side of things and see this as wake-up call Hollywood (or at least a producer at E!) needs to give Khloe her own reality show and/or barely fictionalized lady prison movie. The youngest Kardashian girl is the runaway star of the otherwise kind of stupid Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She's feisty ('member the time she started a fight the guy at the car dealership?) and independent (instead of letting her sisters set her up on a blind date, she goes out partying with her girlfriends) and totally hilarious (when she suggests that Kim get her boyfriend Reggie a leopard for their anniversary, when she refers to Bruce Jenner's wang as a "sau-seeej"). This is a woman who's time has come. Kim might have the booty, but Khloe has the brains, and when gravity fails, what would you rather be watching on your HDTV?
I watched a few episodes of the E! reality show, Sunset Tan, during its first season. It is an in-depth look into the lives of employees working at the popular, up-scale Los Angeles tanning salon, um, Sunset Tan. The salon is run by Jeff Bozz and Devin Haman, two men who are evidently intimately familiar with the orange-tinged spray tan that covers Angelenos' entire bodies from winter through summer. I couldn't stomach the trashiness of the show last season; watching the Olly Girls in action is enough to make anyone sick to their stomachs (for you non-watchers, their names are Holly and Molly, hence the Olly moniker). They are bleach-blond twenty -something's who'd rather flirt with clients than do their job. The girl's were eventually fired for their inability to follow simple instructions, and I figured that was the last we would hear of the infamous tanners -- no stars, no more show.
Well, that's what I thought before I saw commercials on E! for the all new season. I guess that means that enough people were truly entertained (or at least turned on) by the blond bikini-wearing employees that the producers put the wheels in motion for another season. Who knows why those kooky E! producers do the things they do! Take a gander at the Olly Girls doing what they do best after the jump.