Lots of episode orders today, so let's get to it.
April is seriously coming!
Because we need a celebrity version of everything, ABC has ordered Celebrity Wife Swap, wherein celebrities from opposing walks of life will switch spouses for a week in the same chaste extended key party format as the regular people edition -- but better! Rumor has it the show is gunning for SNL alum and noted homophobe Victoria Jackson for an episode, so I think it's safe to say they're really reaching for the crazy stars here. And since I live to help the networks with these kinds of things, here are some fun swap ideas I know I for one would watch the hell out of.
If you want an Emmy, you might have to sing for it.
It's early yet, but American Idol is already cleaning house for next season. Not all of it is official, but most of the news seems pretty definite, at least for the time being. Ellen's out (that's been confirmed). Kara's probably out, and being replaced by J.Lo. Randy, easily the most universally hated judge in the show's history, is reportedly staying, for reasons I cannot for the life of me discern. Seacrest isn't going anywhere, of course, and then there's the most baffling of all the news: Steven Tyler may replace Simon. Well, that should be terrifying.
In what universe do we witness both Rachael "Yippy Dog" Ray and Tyra "Love My Fat Ass" Banks lauded with awards and given thank-you speech airtime? Why in the Daytime Emmys universe of course! The soaps and chat show circle jerk took place on Friday, and as always, there were winners and losers. In many cases the winners were, in fact losers, as in the case of the aforementioned Ray. (My view of Ms. Banks is a bit more complicated and not worth getting into here, but I'm thinking that any instance in which Banks gets more ammo for her delusions of omnipotent, Oprah-style grandeur is not necessarily a good thing.) I don't give a dang about the soap opera winners (As the World Turns swept four categories but really, who cares?) but I am happy that Ellen DeGeneres won for Outstanding Daytime Host (one of four Emmy wins this year), because she is the only TV personality besides Joel McHale who has managed not to grate on my last effing nerve. Props to the Emmy judges also for giving Everyday Italian its due, and for finally recognizing the zeitgeist-y behemoth that is The View -- a show that has been nominated ten times over the course of its run and just this year nabbed an actual award. Two, in fact. Say what you will about its choice of topics, the show is a force to be reckoned with. And further proof that Oprah is becoming obsolete: the daytime diva earned a measly two awards. Hubris, dudes. It's a bitch.
Fall is usually a time of excitement for TV junkies like us, with so many new shows, returning favorites resolving last season's cliffhangers and the promise of a fresh start for stale plotlines. However, this year we're dreading some potential developments, which has put a damper on our enthusiasm. Some of these may not happen, while some are already in the works, but all of them make us more than a little bit wary.
While we've been hearing for months about all of the very special guest judges who are taking on the audition rounds (from Neil Patrick Harris to Katy Perry and everyone in between), the looming question has been if anyone would take over the fourth seat vacated by Paula Abdul on a permanent basis. Well, we now have an answer: Yes, Ellen DeGeneres. Hiring the popular daytime talk show host and comedian instead of any of the music industy vets we had hoped for could be a stroke of genius -- or it could spell disaster for TV's top-rated program. We've weighed the pros and cons of Idol's newest judge.