I was very excited when it was announced that Heather Locklear was returning to her Melrose Place roots as the bitch-in-heels Amanda Woodward. This new series, while oddly watchable, needed a jolt of something to really get it going. Since she'd saved the previous incarnation from dullness/cancellation, it seemed fitting that she'd boost this version as well. But now that we've actually seen her first episode, I'm not sure her appearance is helping matters much.

Tags: heather locklear, melrose place

Heather Locklear, I know saving shows is kind of your thing, but this time maybe you should just let the ship sink.

Tags: 30 Rock, Betty White, Charlie Sheen, Glee, Heather Locklear, Melrose Place, Michael Emerson, True Blood, Two and a Half Men

As expected, Heather Locklear has agreed to appear on the new version of Melrose Place as bitch queen Amanda Woodward. And while she's the best thing that could happen to that mediocre, at best, rehash of a series, this "show saver" could do so much better. We've got some ideas on shows she could improve just by being in their general vicinity.

Tags: brothers and sisters, greys anatomy, heather locklear, heroes, house, southland, true blood, twop 10, ugly betty, v

So in the great tradition of list-making for the sake of list-making, Entertainment Weekly brings you the 50 Greatest TV Icons Of All Time Ever Bar None No Matter What, or whatever they're calling it. It's not that I don't enjoy a good photo gallery as much as the next person, but damn, a list of 50 and the only way to see them is to click through every one individually? That is diabolical, man.

Anyway. A few questions:

1. Jimmy Smits is a bigger icon than Larry Hagman? Really? I mean...I guess so? But Jimmy Smits wasn't involved in the biggest television-changing event of all time, to be honest. He was good on L.A. Law and very good on NYPD Blue, but now he's in Cane, and in case you haven't noticed, nobody cares.

2. Enough with Lassie, TV nostalgia people. I'm serious.

3. Jon Stewart should be higher than #41. That's television-changing television he's involved with, and he is the face of it, no matter how hot Colbert is now. He invented what he does, really, or he at least perfected it, and before him, it was a show trying to do the same thing and doing it only one-tenth as well.

4. I was totally jazzed to see Heather Locklear at #25, because: absolutely. Absolutely. My best friend and I have discussed her as a great example of why you should always try to be great to work with. She's had a million chances to make "comebacks" she really doesn't need, and you can tell everybody loves to work with her. She's always funny, she's criminally underrated as a charismatic presence, and she overcame a totally insubstantial cheesecake image to turn into a lady I'm always happy to see on anything I watch. And I think it's completely adorable that she's dating Jack Wagner. Good for them. Go be happy together, '80s icons!

5. I continue to believe that some of the most famously "beloved" television comedy was not funny. The TWoP book is on record as anti-Lucy, and while I'm not exactly anti, I can certainly say I don't get what the fuss is about. Ditto Milton Berle, because Jesus, I'm not a person who laughs at just a man in a dress.

6. You can't have Simon Cowell and have no representation from Survivor. Shoulda had Hatch, I think.

7. I was all set to complain about the lack of anything remotely recent, but I'm prepared to admit that honestly, aging well is part of what being an icon is about. I'm sure there are people appearing right now who will one day be icons, but it's hard to say who they are. Patrick Dempsey? Conan O'Brien? Hayden Pannetiere? Kyle Chandler? No idea. But EW will be there with click-through pictures of every one of them.

Tags: entertainment weekly, heather locklear, jon stewart

If Denise Richards fabricating a story about how her assy reality show It's Complicated is getting picked up for another season has taught me one thing, it's to not trust what dumdum plastic surgery victims/"actresses" say about goings-on in the TV industry. Chances are, they're hoping people will accuse them of merely being confused rather than outright lying, and then realize, hey! That's not such a bad idea, what she said! Maybe we should renew that crappy show no one watched! With that said, I'm taking what Lisa Rinna has said about rumblings of a Melrose Place remake with a grain of Restalyne. I know she's hard up for work now that she's exhausted her second fifteen minutes as the token cougar on Dancing With the Stars, but let's not even put a bug in the CW's ear, OK? It's not fair to anyone.

Tags: 90210, Aaron Spelling, Brenda Walsh, Heather Locklear, Kristin Davis, Lisa Rinna, Marica Cross, Melrose Place, The CW