Holy crap what a piece of trash this show is. You know when you settle in to watch something you know is going to be a disaster, and it just goes so far beyond the level of garbage you expected into some other realm of toxic waste television? That's what I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! is. The Bachelorette is trashy. The Hills is garbage. I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! is radioactive and should be buried in a drum deep in the desert somewhere. I loved it! I bet I won't feel that way three nights from now when I've overdosed and started glowing in the dark, but for now let's run down the awesomely horrible and just plain horrible moments from last night's premiere, since the terms "good" and "bad" do not apply to deadly nuclear waste, which is of course all "bad." Alert the CDC, I'm makin' a list!
Whoever came up with the brilliant idea to put Janice Dickinson and Stephen Baldwin on the same show together deserves an Emmy. And whoever thought it would be a good idea to put them both on a conference call together deserves whatever award is given out to conference call coordinators. (A Groupie?) Listening to the two of them go back and forth, weighing in on Sanjaya, Speidi and Starbucks, almost makes me want to tune in and watch every episode of this show. And considering that I'm pretty sure these two will go all the way, I'll have to watch every episode, too. Luckily, Speidi told Janice they'll be dropping out early to do other stuff, so at least I won't have to watch a Pratt be crowned champion. Read more below!
As far as the happy to horrifying ratio goes with today's news roundup, we're like two to fourish, so don't read this if you're already depressed. I'm sorry.
So unless you're one of the 26% of people that the Sprint commercial told me had never heard of Twitter, you know it's been a big week for tweeters. Tweeting? Twits? This lingo is killing me. Anyway: Ashton Kutcher won the race to 1,000,000 followers! Suck it, CNN. And Oprah's on Twitter now! Preemptively suck it, Ashton! But there's an even more exciting piece of Twitter news, one that brings us more joy even than the news that we can now follow Ice-T (and by the way...we're on Twitter too!)...
In response to some rumors to the contrary, TLC has announced that they have no plans to include Jon Gosselin's alleged girlfriend Deanna Hummel in future episodes of Jon & Kate Plus 8, pretty much just to spare us the grossness of it all, which is awfully kind of them. Other shows should be that considerate. Here are a few suggestions for reality stars we wouldn't mind seeing relegated to behind-the-scenes-only action on our favorite shows from now on.
I have to say I'm going to miss Daniel Baldwin now that he's been voted off of the surprisingly entertaining I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!. He and Stephen were funny together, and he called Janice out on her mental craziness. But alas, he's gone, so I hopped on a media call with him to get the final scoop on life in Costa Rica with the most annoying people alive. Long story short: Speidi are the fakest fakies ever and Janice Dickinson is even crazier than we already knew. Not mind-blowingly new information, but he was pretty candid in his Janice-bashing. Enjoy!
Until recently, the mere mention of Sanjaya gave me bad flashbacks of him brutalizing "You Really Got Me" and his ridiculous hairdon'ts. I was dreading seeing him on I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here and only mildly looking forward to torturing him by voting him into gross challenges in order to get payback for the way he abused my eardrums all those times on American Idol. So when he walked off the plane on 'I'm a Celebrity' with his hair in the stupid mohawk I sighed and braced myself for the worst. However... that hasn't been the case at all. In fact, he's the most awesome person on that show. Somehow, he morphed from annoying teen to king of the jungle in just a few short years. Here are the reasons I'm loving him now.
Every year we start to get excited this time in mid-August because the crisp smell of fall TV is in the air. And while not all that many of the fall shows actually look promising, it's got to be better than most of the dreck that we've been stuck watching since June. This summer in particular seems to have had a lot of duds and disappointments (and very few highlights), so we're extra excited for it to be over. Here's why.
Seriously. I was on a conference call with the most recently eliminated Baldwin, and apparently delicious smack-talkin' doesn't necessarily run in the family, because Stephen not only claimed to genuinely like Janice Dickinson and think she's a good person, but he also believes Speidi's Christianity is authentic and not at all being exaggerated for fame whoring purposes. He's like the innocent little Hummel Baldwin. It's precious, really.
As you know, I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here is finally over, and though we didn't like it very much, it was nice that Lou Diamond Phillips won, and that everyone can go back to living in houses and not having to submit to getting tarantulas poured on their heads just to get a burrito for dinner. It's also nice that it's not on anymore, because it was very boring. Anyway, you know the drill here -- conference call, Lou Diamond Phillips, Torrie Wilson, John Salley, yada, yada, yada...