The season premiere of Bachelor Pad revolved less around the house's potential hookups and mostly around the love/hate triangle of Jake, Vienna and Kasey. Is this going to be how the entire summer plays out? If so, I'm dreading it. I was actually hoping that Kasey would be eliminated and that Rated R would stick around. Yes, Rated R was the wrestler jerk who was dating multiple girls and got chased around bushes by Ali on The Bachelorette, but he was pretty amusing last night as he introduced himself to his partner while they were tangled up together, and when he compared Kasey and Vienna's relationship to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy and even when he grabbed the rose off of Jake's chest on his way out the door.
Today, broadcasting legend Regis Philbin announced that he will retire from Live! With Regis and Kelly sometime later this year. Very sad for both fans of the show and those responsible for compiling clips for The Soup alike, but on to the new! Who will complain about diarrhea and mispronounce celebrities' names next to Kelly Ripa on Live! after Reege goes? Barring those who already have or are getting morning shows (which, sadly, excludes the best choice, Anderson Cooper), or people obligated to be out of NYC for significant portions of the year (which, even sadly-er, means no William Shatner or NPH), here are our bids:
Apparently now that he and Vienna have split and all of the Dancing With the Stars opportunities have dried up, Jake Pavelka has returned to his day job. The one-time Bachelorette suitor tried to woo Jillian, failed, ended up as The Bachelor, failed to find true love and is now working for Delta Air Lines (allegedly on one of their commuter lines). We can only imagine what a flight with him would be like...
In a terrifying display, The Bachelor's Jake Pavelka, The Hills' Heidi Montag and The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle Staub were spotted filming a reality show of some kind together recently. Even if this project never finds a network and nothing comes of it, the way the media has run with the photos of them together is no doubt just going to encourage other famewhores to try to join forces for similarly unholy super shows. I'd watch almost any of them that came into fruition, but I'd enthusiastically watch these match-ups in particular.
Today has been a strange day. Not only might there be another halfway decent ABC Family show, but the very fabric of reality TV might be starting to unfurl.
As you may already know, we make fun of celebrities on this site. I, for one, will bash Dr. Drew any chance I get, and once personally told him that he was a slut-shaming jerk. It felt great. As for the other celebs I jab at here and there, I would like to think that most of the things I write are based in reality and that I won't feel like the scum of the earth when I inevitably have to meet them face-to-face. It's kind of like running into someone you went to high school with; just as no one is the same person they were in high school (I hope), when someone's on TV, a small part of their humanity is sold to producers for the sake of story-editing. But in the age of cyber-bullying, being held accountable for what you say is no longer a given, and plenty of people are able to write and say horrible things about other humans -- reality stars included -- without any repercussion... that is, until now. Cue: the new CW show H8R.
While the first episode of Bachelor Pad mainly focused on Kasey, Vienna and Jake, the second episode had some genuinely dramatic moments... sandwiched in between more awkwardness between Vienna and Jake. Here are the craziest highlights:
If you watch the show to your left, you might be a Republican.
I'm going to be honest here: I spent most of the first episode of this show transfixed by Heidi Montag's boobs in her pink shirt. Not in a pervy way, but because I was trying to figure out if she was wearing a strangely textured bra, was sitting at an odd angle or if her nipples actually point in two separate directions. When that is the most fascinating part of a series that has some of reality's most biggest nightmares, it's probably a bad omen.
Like all Bachelor/Bachelorette couples save Trista and Ryan and Jason and Molly (who don't count), Jake and Vienna very publicly broke up well before their ABC-televised free wedding. It would be sad if we cared, but what has been sad is their back and forth sniping in the tabloids, and the fact that ABC decided to make them participate in a Chris Harrison-mediated fight over why they broke up, which they crammed into the end of last night's Bachelorette episode. It was ugly and pathetic and generally the highlight of our summer so far. Here are our favorite parts.