It was announced recently that some geniuses at Fox and Sony Pictures TV decided that it was about time to turn Heathers into a TV series, since everything else is being redone already. My knee-jerk reaction was that this was a horrible idea (and made me shout "fuck me gently with a chainsaw!" at my computer) but I decided in fairness that I would rewatch this iconic film from my youth yet again to see how they could possibly transform it into a weekly television show. Maybe it was outdated and ready for an reboot. But now that I have, I still think it is a terrible idea, unless they can get Tina Fey or Ryan Murphy to do it. Which they haven't.
Yesterday I did my fair share of bitching about the recent slew of stuntcasting news for 30 Rock's upcoming season, saying as a longtime fan I personally don't care to see an episode where Jennifer Aniston or Oprah Winfrey eats up significant screen time, but that I understand 30 Rock is in desperate need of ratings so I'll just suck it up for now. It's fair to say I owe them at least that much for all the hilarity they've given me. My resolve to give the show a break is wearing a little thin, however, with today's news that Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester and Blake Lively will be appearing in a November sweeps episode. Really? Now I have to endure those two as well? And more importantly, why those two over Chuck Bass?! He's hilarious! This begs the question -- how much worse is this going to get?
Leighton Meester might have done a dumb thing before she got famous, Jon and Kate are not making empty threats, and even Lauren Conrad says The Hills is fake.
More 30 Rock stuntcasting news: Salma Hayek will appear in two episodes next season, but that's OK, because Page Six's "sources" assure us that she'll actually be playing a character and not just pulling a Jerry Seinfeld. As if that's any consolation. There are going to be so many guest-stars next season I couldn't even name them all off the top of my head. I had to look them all up, and I'm probably even missing a few: Jennifer Aniston, Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, fricking Oprah, now Salma Hayek and God knows who else to come because you know we're not done with this yet. Tina Fey, we want to make it very clear that we love you and do not in any way doubt your genius, but no matter what NBC tells you, 30 Rock is not a variety show, and you are not Dean Martin. So stop it.
Okay everybody, I don't care what your weekend plans were -- it's time head to your nearest Subway, where you must purchase as many $5 footlongs as your recession-depleted budget will allow and stuff them into your face. Then repeat. And no, we're not doing this because their Cold Cut Combo is so delicious -- we're trying to save Chuck, damnit! If you need convincing, click here. But you shouldn't need convincing, because the power of banding together to achieve a common goal should be appealing enough. Isn't this what Obama was talking about with his call to service? BREAKING: NBC has announced the cast of I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!