For the past 30 years, MTV has been a major part of my life. And on its 30th birthday (which probably puts it soundly out of its own demographic), it seems important to acknowledge that while the show was originally a haven for music video, the network switched gears in the '90s when it more or less invented something entirely new: reality TV. Ever since Julie from Alabama met Eric the male model back in 1992, the network has been in the forefront of innovation of the genre, creating the candid reality show, the competition reality show, celebreality and a multitude of other subgenres that have transformed the television industry for good and for ill. So while there's a part of me that still misses Downtown Julie Brown, those antiquated things called videos and Remote Control, I can't help but be impressed by how MTV has changed the way TV gets real.
I feel Diddy, and witty, and gaaaaaaaaaay! Making The Band 4 is back for another confusingly-numbered season (I think it's MTB 4:2, in which the "4" is the number of bands the show has made and the "2" is the...season number? Sorry, I lost my slide rule and can't figure this shit out).
And I am STOKED, people. I don't know why I love the show, but I do, and I love it EVEN MORE now that it is the province of one Sean Combs, and I will tell you why: a show this superfluous must take itself with the utmost seriousness, otherwise there isn't any point to watching. It's kind of the same concept that allows Wile E. Coyote to keep running even when he's already over the cliff -- he believes he's on solid ground, and as long as he believes that, he's okay. It's only when he looks down that it all goes pear-shaped...and so it is with Diddy, who never looks down. (Or, based on that ridonkulous lynx/leather jacket contraption he had on last Monday, in a mirror. Eddie Murphy called; he'd like the area rug from his Raw dressing room back.)
If you're not watching, you should start. You really don't have to have watched a single minute of the show before, or of any television really, because everything is mercilessly recapped for you every five minutes, usually by my second-best MTB Girlfriend, Aundrea. Why should you watch?
1. My very best MTB Girlfriend, Aubrey (shown above with the Aubreytones, and either girlfriend had some work done or Miami Beach is clean out of double-sided pageant tape). I used to like her back in the day because she seemed fun and fashion-y, and was the underdog. I like her now because she's turned into kind of a preying mantis, or a preying blonde-weave-is, or whatever; she's all arrogant and aggressively trampy, and it's kind of rad. Rumor has it she and Diddy had a thing, which is why he's in her face all the time, and I would kill for confirmation of that. Still, now she's the bad girl, AND she's set her mantis sights on Donnie. Watching the two of them make out in the season preview is like watching Predator eat one of the baby penguins from Surf's Up: "Awwww. [crrrrunch] ...Oh my GOD!"
2. Diddy's one-on-ones with the camera where he's all Red-Bulled out, throwing the hook-'em horns, whipping his sunglasses off to wink at you and there's a little "ting!" sound effect. Takes himself more seriously than the UN. Hilarious.
3. Qwanell and his hats.
4. Brian gives the impression of viewing the goings-on with the same gossipy glee that I do, and also he's cute.
I even like the music pretty well (I downloaded a couple of Danity Kane songs shut up), but really, I'm just fascinated by how the kids react to Kim Jong Diddy and his reign of terror. Remember last season when Donnie said, "Really?" all mouthy when Diddy said he couldn't dance? Remember how the entire house of guys had to run five or ten miles as a result? Of course you don't; they didn't tell us that even happened until last week. Why would you put up with this?
Same reason I watch the show -- you kind of can't believe Diddy is for real.
If you watch Idol, don't act like you're too good for the Diddles, people. Watch the show.
Ever since the salad days of The Real World, MTV has staked a claim on bringing an ever-clamoring public some of the finest/dumbest reality programming ever to grace the small screen. So I'll be honest and divulge that their newly announced lineup, which includes the fifty billionth season of the Diddy travesty that is Making the Band and some shit about juvenile delinquents called Busted, left me sorta cold. The only show with any potential whatsoever is a to-be-named show starring everyone's favorite bullet-riddled rap impresario 50 Cent. As you might imagine, the premise will have to do with searching for the Next Big Rap Mogul. Creative, right? One wonders what the grading curve will be, and specifically what sorts of challenges the hopefuls will face to earn the title. I'm thinking less MC battles and more precision-shooting with a sawed-off shot gun. Whatever the case, I'm eager to learn about the finer points of -- what is it the kids are calling it these days? Oh right. "Hustling."