Everyone knows we're a nation of ADD-addled freakazoids with the out-of-sight, out-of-mind mental capacity of a gnat. So it makes sense that some network and cable brass are feeling a little worried about the months that've elapsed since their shows last proffered new episodes. Case in point, HBO's Big Love, which for various reasons mostly owing to the writer's strike hasn't aired a new show since August of '07 (you read that right) and is therefore throwing endless resources into reminding people it exists and is still relevant. Specifically, in keeping with the show's tagline, "Everyone has something to hide," they've constructed eye-level billboards in New York and L.A. equipped with headsets which passers-by can don and listen to random people offering up "secrets," from stealing someone's lunch out of the communal work refrigerator to less wholesome untruths. It's a brilliant ploy, because the Great Hot Mormon trend of '07 might've flamed out, but gossip and secrets never go out of style.

This little flight of marketing fancy might very well succeed in recapturing Big Love viewers and even winning a new audience. But what about some other returning shows without the budget or the creativity to exploit the subconscious desires of the masses? I've decided to be a generous soul (it's my new thing for '09!) and come up with a few ideas for shows that have been off the air so long that their core audience has all but given it up for dead. Just call me Mother Theresa.

Tags: 24, American Idol, Big Love, HBO, Hell's Kitchen, Lost, Medium