Because we need a celebrity version of everything, ABC has ordered Celebrity Wife Swap, wherein celebrities from opposing walks of life will switch spouses for a week in the same chaste extended key party format as the regular people edition -- but better! Rumor has it the show is gunning for SNL alum and noted homophobe Victoria Jackson for an episode, so I think it's safe to say they're really reaching for the crazy stars here. And since I live to help the networks with these kinds of things, here are some fun swap ideas I know I for one would watch the hell out of.
Recently, Daniel Franco, who already had two chances at Project Runway (two too many, if you ask us) got another shot at reality TV by appearing as the self-described lovechild of Susan Boyle and Adam Lambert on American Idol. Really, some people just don't know when to quit. However, he did inspire us to look back at the desperate, pathetic famewhores who make his two brief runs at reality TV look practically lazy by comparison.
Congratulations, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt -- you've managed to get yet another article written about you. It's sad that it had to be about you pretending to break up, but congrats on getting people (and People) to report on the break-up like it was real. (And saying it was over "fake bad press"? So meta!) Hopefully, this revelation won't affect your ability to get onto a show about single girls, Heidi, or your ability to dress like a hobo, Spencer, but if you're running out of fake scandals to milk, here are some headlines we came up with that we're pretty sure the more gullible celebrity rags will go for. Use them whenever you feel the warming glow of flashbulbs fading away and the cold winter of anonymity approaching. We've even suggested handy follow-up projects!
Jennifer Aniston's descending upon yet another perfectly good show, and Sookeh and Bee-ehl got married in the real life.
Lots of new today, so let's get crackin'!
It's Friday, y'all! My gift to you: Only a little bit of bad news.
Okay, everyone laughs at Heidi and Spencer Pratt's staged photo ops and I'm a Celebrity... shenanigans, and Heidi's so-called music career, and Spencer's so-called "beard," because we all know that they're just trying to get people to take pictures of them, and to get America to continue to pay attention to them. But now it's just sad. Spencer claims he is in the process of changing his name -- legally, mind you -- to "King Spencer Pratt," because, in his words, "I have decided that if there is a Queen of England and Prince William, we need to have a King of America, and I have nominated myself for that title." Seriously, is he mentally ill? [Dear Rest of the World: Please ignore him.]
Now that Sad Grampa and his sidekick ol' HMILF (that's Hockey Mom I'd Like To .... oh you know) are safely out of the picture and Obama's beginning his quest to right the wrongs of the past administration, I feel it's appropriate to train our focus on an insidious enemy that's set down deep roots in this fair nation of ours. You all know what I'm talking about right?
In Joel McHale's viral Internet dreams, that is! Let's just say the brilliant and always hilarious Soup host has declared his passion for Spencer Pratt the only way he knows how -- by re-making Heidi Montag's "Addicted" video, drinking a lot of wine, donning hot pants and crying into his sparkly Chihuahua, Lou. Don't cry, Joel! We've all been there. If I had a music video parody for every time I cried into a dog over unrequited reality star love, I'd... well I'd have no music video parodies, but I still relate to Joel's pain somehow, and you will too, after the jump! Props to Best Week Ever for finding the clip.
Some confused soul over at VH1 has mistaken Miley Cyrus for a diva (it was the pole dancing that did it, wasn't it?!), and we may soon be making jokes about the spawn of Speidi. It's a heinous day in news.