Because we need a celebrity version of everything, ABC has ordered Celebrity Wife Swap, wherein celebrities from opposing walks of life will switch spouses for a week in the same chaste extended key party format as the regular people edition -- but better! Rumor has it the show is gunning for SNL alum and noted homophobe Victoria Jackson for an episode, so I think it's safe to say they're really reaching for the crazy stars here. And since I live to help the networks with these kinds of things, here are some fun swap ideas I know I for one would watch the hell out of.

Tags: ABC, Celebrity Wife Swap, Donald Trump, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Ellen DeGeneres, Harry Hamlin, Heidi Montag, James Carville, Jim Bob Duggar, Kathlee Gifford, Katy Perry, Kendra Wilkinson, Khloe Kardashian, Kody Brown, Lamar Odom, Lisa Rinna, Mariah Carey, Matt Roloff, Michelle Duggar, Nick Cannon, Ozzy Osbourne, Portia De Rossi, Randy Quaid, Rob Mariano, Russell Brand, Sarah Palin, Sharon Osbourne, Spencer Pratt, Teresa Giudice, The Fabulous Beekman Boys

Recently, Daniel Franco, who already had two chances at Project Runway (two too many, if you ask us) got another shot at reality TV by appearing as the self-described lovechild of Susan Boyle and Adam Lambert on American Idol. Really, some people just don't know when to quit. However, he did inspire us to look back at the desperate, pathetic famewhores who make his two brief runs at reality TV look practically lazy by comparison.

Tags: Boston Rob, Heidi Pratt, Jonny Fairplay, Megan Hauserman, Omarosa, Rob Mariano, Romber, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, Trishelle

Some confused soul over at VH1 has mistaken Miley Cyrus for a diva (it was the pole dancing that did it, wasn't it?!), and we may soon be making jokes about the spawn of Speidi. It's a heinous day in news.

Tags: 24, Heidi Pratt, Heroes, Jayma Mays, March to Madness, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Miley Cyrus, Paula Abdul, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, The Hills

We'll all be sad when the Comic-Con is over, leaving us with significantly less exciting news, but for now we'll just revel in all its nerdy glory! In other news, Speidi continues to hijack entertainment world, but Georgina Sparks is coming back, so maybe she'll take them down! Okay, not likely, but wouldn't that be so badass?

Tags: Dexter, Gossip Girl, Heidi Pratt, Michelle Trachtenberg, Padma Lakshmi, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, Tim Burton

Last Thursday, we saw the elimination of two different cast members from I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!: original supermodel Janice Dickinson and Hills star Holly Montag. Of course, the celebrities later voted to bring Holly back for one more day -- just long enough to get her into her underwear, of course -- but she was quickly sent packing again. Before Holly's one-day return, we got to sit in on a conference call with Holly and Janice, so while we weren't able to ask them about the one getting chosen over the other, we were able to ask Holly about Sanjolly, Heidi and Playboy and Janice about the granola bar incident, Jon Lovitz, her vagina and Jon Lovitz. You can't wait, can you?

Tags: Heidi Montag, Holly Montag, im a celebrity get me out of here, Janice Dickinson, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, The Hills

Congratulations, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt -- you've managed to get yet another article written about you. It's sad that it had to be about you pretending to break up, but congrats on getting people (and People) to report on the break-up like it was real. (And saying it was over "fake bad press"? So meta!) Hopefully, this revelation won't affect your ability to get onto a show about single girls, Heidi, or your ability to dress like a hobo, Spencer, but if you're running out of fake scandals to milk, here are some headlines we came up with that we're pretty sure the more gullible celebrity rags will go for. Use them whenever you feel the warming glow of flashbulbs fading away and the cold winter of anonymity approaching. We've even suggested handy follow-up projects!

Tags: Heidi Montag, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, The Hills

Jon Gosselin is making the most of his onscreen fame with a new girlfriend and a new career -- designing an Ed Hardy clothing line for children. It makes sense; after all, who knows more about kids clothing than the guy who has eight rugrats of his own? But it got us thinking about other reality stars who should develop their own product lines, based on their areas of expertise, and we've compiled a list of stars who should revel in and exploit their own short-lived fame while they still can.

Tags: Adam Lambert, amazing race, American Idol, americas next top model, Bachelorette, NYC Prep, real housewives of NJ, Rock of Love, So You Think You Can Dance, Spencer Pratt, The Hills

Jennifer Aniston's descending upon yet another perfectly good show, and Sookeh and Bee-ehl got married in the real life.

Tags: ABC, Anna Paquin, Betty White, Chase, Cougar Town, Creative Arts Emmys, Emmys, Evan Rachel Wood, Heidi Montag, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Morrison, Neil Patrick Harris, No Ordinary Family, Old Spice Guy, Speidi, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Moyer, True Blood