Please be dead, Heroes. Please be dead, Heroes. Please, please, please be dead.
What's better than Jersey Shore? More Jersey Shore. Plus: some awesome Fringe casting news.
Leaving aside the whole question of Stephen King's extremely lame column (which...you know, talk of who's cool and who isn't couldn't be less cool in general -- and is even more absurd when it's coming from "your old Uncle Stevie," GAH), but was I the only one who noticed in the latest issue's Hollywood Insider (there's also a blog, not that this item is on it, for whatever reason) that he's going to be doing a new series on ABC? It'll be loosely based on what the magazine describes as his "mystery novel The Colorado Kid" (never heard of it). King himself says it'll be "closer to The X-Files than Supernatural," adding, "[I]t's not something that keeps me up nights, the way Kingdom Hospital did."
Ladies and gentlemen! He did it! The one-millionth reference to the failure of Kingdom Hospital, apparently the biggest tragedy of Stephen King's life since he got run over by that guy in the van! I swear to God, it seems like he mentions it any time anyone talks about ABC, TV, hospitals, or kingdoms; if he were Jon Favreau, it would be his getting cut from Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle. Like, can someone please tell this goof that he's one of the bestselling authors alive, and that maybe he should just take some solace in that instead of chewing over this one failed TV series like it was the last straw that sent him from Easy Street to living in a fridge? God.
Horror and fantasy author Stephen King has seen many of his books turned into movies and mini-series over the years, but only one regular TV series (The Dead Zone). John Smith is alone no longer -- Syfy has ordered 13 episodes of Haven, a series based on King's The Colorado Kid, about newspaper reporters discussing an unsolved mystery in Maine. We'd be excited, except... The Colorado Kid? Not only is it a minor work with no real plot to speak of, it also seems to have little in common with Haven, which involves an FBI agent assigned to a town populated by people who are cursed. Basically, it's been turned into an average Syfy series -- call it Eureka Sanctuary Warehouse Town. While we'll still watch it, we couldn't help but think of more prominent King works (as well as a few more hook-y short stories) that might make for more interesting TV. Here are ten we'd love to see.
Good news, everyone! A show has been canceled and un-canceled, another has been re-titled, another remade, and a book adapted! That last one might not be such good news, but we remain ever optimistic! O frabjous day! Callooh callay!