So the Grammys happened last night. Or as I would like to rename them, "Neverending Story, Part A Million: The Suckfest Continues." That BS was 3.5 hours, fools! Not to say there weren't some genuinely stellar moments, but 3.5 hours is too long for anything, even a kitten party catered with an all-you can eat pizza buffet (i.e. heaven). So in the likely event that you found a more useful way to spend your Sunday night, I did the dirty work and chronicled the best and worst moments for you. You can thank me later.