The new season of Big Brother starts on Thursday, at which point we fully expect some of those housebound idiots to be vying for this coveted title on a regular basis. Until then, we're stuck sifting through housewives, home cooks and social media "experts" to see who really deserves to be called the most heinous reality personality of the week.
We see Steven Tyler, Kevin Spacey and a wedding in our future! Are they marrying each other? Is one of them marrying their mic stand, and the other officiating? Read on to find out!
Media calls with television talent are often an overly-coached exercise in futility, and though yesterday's ABC call with Ali Fedotowsky, Roberto and Chris L. wasn't quite as pointless as an American Idol call, it was pretty goddamn close. So I just decided to post the real questions and answers with a helpful little translation of what these Bachelorette-ites really mean with their scripted answers. Enjoy, and feel free to play along in the comments.
Guess these people didn't think being decent was their patriotic duty this week.
We're tempted to put all of the people responsible for Duets on this list for making such a crappy show, and getting us to watch by putting the adorable Kelly Clarkson on it, but looking up their names would mean we'd have to invest even more of our time in that terrible mess.
Just when you thought that Speidi had replaced Trista and Ryan as the most opportunistic patently untalented pair of famewhores of the reality TV world, the former Bachelorette and her husband have come creeping back out of the woodwork like termites with the announcement that they've found a way to cash in on their upcoming second baby. They are stealing a page from the Tori Spelling playbook and working on a deal for a new reality show. For chrissake, I thought we were done hearing about these two, that they'd moved to some small town and were just living and working and being normal. I know it SEEMS like everyone has a reality show these days, but having a cameras trace your every move while you and your toddler son try to adjust to a new baby/sibling is NOT normal. It is the opposite or normal. It is abnormal and just plain wrong. Especially since they aren't remotely "real" celebrities and aren't having like seven kids or something, in which case it would be slightly better.
Today we get some blasts from the past with a Seinfeld reunion and Amy Poehler's return to SNL, and a look towards the future with a video game based on The Bachelor. It's enough to make anyone nostalgic.
It's a happy day for everyone it seems like. People are getting promoted, there's an up and coming TV show, exciting summer hits have been renewed, and even people who we really don't care about are getting their own reality shows.
In honor of tonight's Bachelorette season premiere, the lady herself, Jillian Harris, participated in a media call to promote the show and I hopped on to hear all about the new season. If you don't remember Jillian from the last Bachelor season, she was the one who just couldn't shut up about hot dogs who placed third in the contest for that dirtbag Jason Mesnick's affections. The call was largely snoozy, but someone did ask her if she had sex with Jason on that gross hot tub night (it wasn't me, I swear) and she freaked out and scolded the guy about propriety and look -- I'm not saying it wasn't a gross and uncomfortable question. But I am saying that when you were a contestant on The Bachelor and you were grinding all up on some guy whose dating a trillion other women at the same time he's dating you on national television and then you prove to be so desperate to remain on television that you agree to grind on more dudes in a hot tub on national television as The Bachelorette, I can see why someone might think they could ask you for the hot tub grinding details, and that maybe you shouldn't be lecturing anybody about what's appropriate considering you participated in two of the most inappropriate television shows ever. That's all I'm saying. Anyway, that was the most eventful moment of the call. She spent the rest of the time talking a great deal about being Canadian and pretending she thinks Jason Mesnick is a really great guy, which he most certainly is not, but you know, she has to say that, I guess. There was also much discussion of hot dogs and her hot dog theory, of course, but let's just get right into the hot tub fight, shall we?
Yes, I know dumb decisions are to be expected from someone who agreed to go on both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but this is just the latest one in a long line, so why not talk about it? Our long national nightmare of who's going to pretend to be Jillian Harris's fiancé for a while is finally over, and after a brief farce of a "surprise" appearance by Reid (which actually seemed to take all day to film, by the looks of the lack of daylight shining on them when she finally rejected him), Jillian picked E.D. Ed. Which is fine, I guess. I was rooting for Kiptyn, just because it feels nice to be on somebody's side and he seemed to be the lesser of two evils, but considering this show is the fakest thing in the history of television, it doesn't really matter who she chose in the end, of course.