Britney Spears playing a dental assistant to John Stamos is something you never thought you'd hear, but so is Kate Gosselin "performing" at the Emmys. Unlike Real Housewives of O.C. Lynn Curtin, who's also in today's news, we're not high ("on life") when reporting these headlines...
In today's headlines, we've got records set, rules adjusted and new endeavors breaking ground. Oh, what tumultuous gales sweep through our TV wasteland.
Yesterday I did my fair share of bitching about the recent slew of stuntcasting news for 30 Rock's upcoming season, saying as a longtime fan I personally don't care to see an episode where Jennifer Aniston or Oprah Winfrey eats up significant screen time, but that I understand 30 Rock is in desperate need of ratings so I'll just suck it up for now. It's fair to say I owe them at least that much for all the hilarity they've given me. My resolve to give the show a break is wearing a little thin, however, with today's news that Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester and Blake Lively will be appearing in a November sweeps episode. Really? Now I have to endure those two as well? And more importantly, why those two over Chuck Bass?! He's hilarious! This begs the question -- how much worse is this going to get?
Now that we're in the midst of what appears to be Britney Spears' ninety-seventh "comeback," it's not all that surprising that she and the
parasites nice people at MTV want to capitalize on the public's fleeting good will. A new hour-plus documentary titled For the Record is currently in production and will, by all accounts, give us rabid BritBrit fans the real dirt on what the hell happened when she went loony-tunes last year and shaved her head and started wielding umbrellas as weapons and crap. I could sum up what happened in three words: Crystal Effing Meth. But nobody asked me.
After all alleged comments from Neil Patrick Harris saying that he didn't think Britney should make a return appearance on How I Met Your Mother, and the backtracking where he said his comments were taken out of context and then the reporters said they weren't and then he made nice and then it became whole long and stupid debacle that took up way too much space in the news, Britney is back on the show next Monday. Check out the too cute and corny for words picture attached, which is the whole reason I just had to write about this. I love the matching sweaters! Apparently Britney (or Abby if you insist on thinking of her as an actual actress playing a character) and Barney (hey, at least we've stopped calling him Doogie) try to get back at Ted who broke their hearts in different ways by flaunting their relationship in his face. Yeah, take that Ted. While I doubt that Brit's return appearance will prove to be the ratings bonanza that her first stint was since last time the gossipmongers tuned in to see a trainwreck and she proved she can handle bit parts so there's little chance of a meltdown this time. Though if the episode does do well, it could push the yet-to-be-renewed show off the bubble and onto another season, but that leaves me with the lingering concern that there will be a revolving door of guest stars used in order to keep this show on the air, and isn't that the same thing that Neil Patrick Harris was worried (or supposedly worried) about in the first place?
Screw rehab, the best crisis management tactic in the business these days seems to be a sitcom cameo. Just ask Brit-Brit Spears, whose star turn in How I Met Your Mother clocked the show's highest numbers ever. (And marked a successful PR gambit signaling the starlet's return to the straight and narrow.) Hot on the heels of that blockbuster cameo, everyone's other favorite embattled, drug-addled -- hey that rhymed! -- trainwreck is jumping on the proverbial bandwagon. Lindsay Lohan is rumored to once again be negotiating a guest appearance on Ugly Betty. Word is Ms. Blow-han will pop up on the show's season finale and return next season for an eight-episode stint. Assuming she keeps her, uh, nose clean. Early reports tell us Linds will be playing Betty's blue-collar, burger slinging pal, which will be a much bigger stretch than Lohan's previous filmic incarnations as a catty bitch (Mean Girls), a stripper (I Know Who Killed Me), a bratty teenager (Georgia Rule) and a lead-footed driver (Herbie: Fully Loaded). Truth be told, I'm hoping she exceeds my (low) expectations. Much as her former co-stars are always insisting that LiLo really, truly is a genius thespian, albeit a misunderstood one, I've yet to see her top her performance in The Parent Trap. So consider this a challenge, Miss Thang. The gauntlet hath been dropped.
Considering how much hype there was around Glee's "The Power of Madonna," we were delighted that it didn't disappoint. With its success, series creator Ryan Murphy is now playing with the idea of an all-Britney Spears episode. We love the thought of it, and think that Britney's catchy, theatrical music would totally adapt to the Glee universe. Here are some of our picks for what each of the show's stars should sing.
The bitch is back y'all! It comes as no surprise to anyone who lives on the earth and has use of their eyes that Ms. Spears will be gracing us with her newly toned, less obviously addled presence for the MTV VMA's this Sunday. (BTW who here loves those promos with Russell Brand where she totally cops to the fact that she doesn't know who the hell he is?)
The new news, though, is that Brit Brit will be opening the show just like she did last year. Well, hopefully not like she did last year. Hopefully the opposite of like she did last year. You guys, I don't want to jinx anything, but I think, to paraphrase Kathy Griffin, we might just have our diva back.
Proof positive that the porn 'stache has reached critical mass and that the soft-rock renaissance is just getting started: according to Billboard, a cartoon starring John Oates (of Hall & Oates, duh) and his magical mustache is being shopped around to various networks. If all goes according to plan, J-Stache will focus on a buttoned up, family -oriented Oates whose infamous mustache is trying to lure him back into the rock & roll lifestyle.