Recent Comedy Central roastee and Celebrity Apprentice host Donald Trump has mentioned his interest in running for president of the United States, and while we laughed that off at first, apparently he's got a shot. According to a recent poll of Republican primary voters, he's currently the second choice to get the nomination. Maybe the American people love that comb-over after all? To prepare ourselves for the impossible coming true, we've looked ahead at Trump's first ten orders of business upon taking the Oval Office.
I'm sure you are going to be shocked to find out that Donald Trump is not running for president. Do I need to grab the smelling salts?
Because we need a celebrity version of everything, ABC has ordered Celebrity Wife Swap, wherein celebrities from opposing walks of life will switch spouses for a week in the same chaste extended key party format as the regular people edition -- but better! Rumor has it the show is gunning for SNL alum and noted homophobe Victoria Jackson for an episode, so I think it's safe to say they're really reaching for the crazy stars here. And since I live to help the networks with these kinds of things, here are some fun swap ideas I know I for one would watch the hell out of.
It's Friday, which means it's once again time to crown the most heinous reality star of the week! Just like last week, I'll state the case for my top five nominees and then choose a winner based on a highly scientific process of deeming who is the most egregiously awful. The big question this week: Can anyone out-horrible Donald Trump? These four jerks are going to try!
After hearing how bad The Situation was when they taped this roast, I was dreading it, and, well, for his part he totally bombed. Completely. There was deafening silence as he delivered his clunkers which turned to extremely vocal boos during the course of his few minute stint. Jeff Ross tried in vain to assist him, but it was too late, Sitch's comedy career was dead on arrival. However, I'd love it if he was at future roasts, not to deliver any of his own "zingers," but because he was the butt of more jokes than Trump himself. Fair warning, the content below is not for the faint of heart, or really anyone who doesn't have a sense of humor.
Mmmmm... Trump roast.
Today's news is heavy on the guilty pleasures!
NBC has revealed the fall and midseason slate of new shows that are meant to save the network, and some of them look good! But some of them... do not, we'll say. I woke up bright and early this morning to attend the red-carpet portion of the network's upfront presentation to get season finale spoilers from current NBC talent, and to ask the new stars what the hell their shows are about and, in one case, why their show is so racist. (Also, while I couldn't get an interview with Tina Fey, I did eavesdrop the hell out of all her conversations, which were all about shrimp. Just a little tidbit.) Read on for all the information I could get out of strangers in two or three questions while their publicists desperately tried to tear them away from me.
Not satisfied to exploit every inch of his own being and empire, Donald Trump has resorted to pimping out his daughter Ivanka for a new reality dating show called Date My Daughter. To quote the press release/casting call: "'Date My Daughter,' starring Donald Trump and his daughter Ivanka, features dads helping their daughters find true love, with daddy's approval [Ed's note: PUKE! Any grown woman who calls her father "daddy" needs to quit it. NOW.] Casting producers are looking for socialites [Eds' note: Again, puke.] between the ages of 21-30 years old who are attractive, possess a great attitude and a generous spirit. The dads should be affluent and interested in helping their daughters find true love." Here's a thought. Maybe these "affluent dads" should mind their own damned business and/or explore why they take such an abiding interest in their daughters' dating practices. In therapy.
It's time for The Celebrity Apprentice to try and top last year's "Whore pit viper!" moment with something even more insane. And it looks like they might -- Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, Rod Blagojevich and Cyndi Lauper (among others) are all going to be forced to interact with each other. Frankly, I'd be surprised if they all come out alive. So to promote Sunday night's premiere episode, The Donald and Bret Michaels got on the horn to field press calls on a massive conference call. Highlights: