Get your DVRs ready... here's the fall schedule.
Instead of leading off with Jimmy Kimmel to get us warmed up and excited about these new shows, ABC's upfront presentation jumped right in, so Jimmy didn't come out to make the obligatory gay/British jokes about his new boss Paul Lee until halfway through the event. Actually, thirty minutes in was perfect timing for him because that was about when I become fairly horrified with the new crop of shows. But even Kimmel seemed off his game, making easy jokes about CBS ("More people die watching CBS than any other network") and NBC ("they'll be selling their ads on Groupon this year") and Fox's X-Factor ("It's like American Idol meets a mirror"). He did get in some decent cracks about the upfronts in general: "Remember those shows that we were so excited about last fall? We cancelled all of them... and yet here you are again. We think you might have a gambling problem." Not unfunny, but he was better in previous years. As for the network's gobs and gobs of new shows? They've been better in years past, too. There wasn't a single one that blew me away or cracked me up the way that Lost or Modern Family had done at first glance.
Every September we're baffled at the amount of new shows that are just downright terrible. We're talking about programs that have no business being on TV in the first place (think Cavemen or Viva Laughlin) but yet get a big push from their respective networks, luring in unsuspecting souls with a catchy one-liner and a flashy star who reminds viewers of a more pleasant series. As a public service, we've identified the new fall 2010 series that really should've come with warning signs. Avoid these at all costs.