Right now, all of America is wondering, "What's next for Sanjaya Malakar and Patti Blagojevich from I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here?" Well, not really, but there must be a couple of you, right? No? Just one? Okay, dude, here you go -- the Patjaya conference call, complete with info about Sanjolly's relationship, Patti's acting career and when Seattle should expect their prodigal son to return home.
I am seriously thankful that there is only one more week of I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here left, because these are the most boring human beings on the face of the planet and I just can't take it anymore. Everything is just so freaking dull that it makes me want to cry. There is nothing more tedious than watching people complain about how there's nothing to do around camp. Watching John Salley wake people up is not compelling television. Seeing endless conversations about how they all like each other and are a family is not good, either. Being forced to believe that Sanjaya and Holly have a budding romance is ridiculous, though that's less ridiculous than everyone speculating on why John and Patti are fast friends. And seeing the celebs find little things to nitpick about is irritating. Even Big Brother usually eliminates a lot of the boring conversations about pet peeves, and the people on that show have the good sense to hate each other, or stir up fights, in order to keep people at home from falling asleep. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the challenges, which are actually cool, are too few and far-between.
It's finally over, and Lou won... something. But really, who even cares. Lou dominated the entire game and won because he was nice. There was no strategy, no game play involved. He was just nice, goofed off for a few weeks in the woods, directed a video, let all the youngsters call him 'Papa Lou,' lost some weight and earned some unnamed amount of money for charity. Once all the eliminated people got the boot, it was so boring I could barely even stand to watch it anymore. But I get paid to. Not sure why other people stuck around 'til the end.
Last Thursday, we saw the elimination of two different cast members from I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!: original supermodel Janice Dickinson and Hills star Holly Montag. Of course, the celebrities later voted to bring Holly back for one more day -- just long enough to get her into her underwear, of course -- but she was quickly sent packing again. Before Holly's one-day return, we got to sit in on a conference call with Holly and Janice, so while we weren't able to ask them about the one getting chosen over the other, we were able to ask Holly about Sanjolly, Heidi and Playboy and Janice about the granola bar incident, Jon Lovitz, her vagina and Jon Lovitz. You can't wait, can you?