Here's some career advice you can take away from the news today: (1) You'll get places in life if you're fearless and have a thing for gross, fat guys; (2) If you're part of a famous singing trio, don't publicize your purity rings; and (3) If you're a famous comedian, don't mock said purity rings unless you want to die. Also, there's news about guest stars, Jennifer Garner, and new comedy shows.
The Jonas Brothers may have hosted the show, but I swear Miley Cyrus was on stage more than anybody, even Robert Pattinson. Accepting awards, lightly pole dancing, "honoring" her "hero" Britney, lip-synching to somebody's plugged-in iPod (how is it possible to sound so bad while lip-synching? My vocal cords hurt for her), blessing us like the teen pope she is, talking to that mop-headed micromachine fast-talking guy, selling us Max Azria for Wal-Mart and on and on and on. Why bother even having somebody else host it? They should have just made Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, Chace Crawford and the JoBros line up on stage while Miley went down the row and sang, "Look at this guy!" over and over at them for two hours. It would have been much more efficient, yet still exactly the same show.
So the uberpopular Jonas Brothers with their mop top hair and their innocent sugar music and non-threatening teenage appeal have long had a Disney channel show in the works. Their surefire ratings hit dubbed J.O.N.A.S was going to take the trio of brothers and set them in the wild world of spies. Now that actually sounds like it could be mildly entertaining if I was 12. A little Alias, a little Spy Kids and a little Monkees and bam, you've got a series. What could be wrong with that? It's better than the premise of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.
Underwhelmed by the so-not-surprising- I-can't-even-believe-people-are-reporting-it news that Miley Cyrus will be hosting Fox's "Teen Choice 2008" this August, I've compiled a concise list of more compelling things I could do instead. Drumroll!