Shortly after announcing eleven new series yesterday, Bravo held their upfronts in New York City, where Bravolebrities (the most demeaning word to write) walked the blue carpet to discuss their series and skirt around actually saying anything of substance. To spare you mindless quotes that give, at best, vague details about what's going to happen next season on the various Real Housewives franchises, here are the most entertaining quotes of the evening:
Today it was announced that NBC's upcoming sitcom adaptation of Chelsea Handler's memoir Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea has found its 20-year-old version of Chelsea Handler in Laura Prepon, a TV veteran who is 30, and a mere five years younger than Chelsea Handler's (alleged, because, come on) current age. We're not saying Laura Prepon won't do a decent job, but nevertheless, this means it's time to cast other comedians' memoirs with their TV-inappropriate counterparts. Because you know TV executives would do half this crap.
Nothing could upstage the Oscars except... Charlie Sheen's career suicide.
Today, broadcasting legend Regis Philbin announced that he will retire from Live! With Regis and Kelly sometime later this year. Very sad for both fans of the show and those responsible for compiling clips for The Soup alike, but on to the new! Who will complain about diarrhea and mispronounce celebrities' names next to Kelly Ripa on Live! after Reege goes? Barring those who already have or are getting morning shows (which, sadly, excludes the best choice, Anderson Cooper), or people obligated to be out of NYC for significant portions of the year (which, even sadly-er, means no William Shatner or NPH), here are our bids:
Debra Messing gets a cameo on Law and Order: SVU, Kathy Griffin gets four comedy specials on Bravo, and Jesse Tyler Ferguson is one of the co-hosts of the WGA Awards. In a rare case, it's a good day to be a ginger...
Some people wait a lifetime for a moment to get away from singing competitions.
The Creative Arts Emmys were held this past Saturday, and though most of the categories are for essential yet unglamorous jobs we don't care to hear about, they are increasingly cramming more and more actually important (to us) categories into the oft-overlooked Schmemmys. By way of PSA, here are the night's awards and winners you probably do care about that you shouldn't be looking for in the real Emmys broadcast this Sunday.
A bunch of DVDs were released this week that only super-fans of the shows will probably care about, but that non-fans should probably check out anyway, just so they can see what they're missing.
You know how comedians always say that when they're around each other they have to pull out the most offensive material possible to make each other laugh? I guess these roasts are a televised example of that. And though last night may have been officially a roast of Joan Rivers, Robin Quivers got it the worst, hands down. I didn't include the trillions of jokes made about her father molesting her below, but holy crap! So many jokes about her father molesting her! Yikes!
Dan Quayle doesn't wanna, now Kathy Griffin doesn't wanna -- the only person on God's green earth who actually wants to be on Dancing With the Stars is Dick Smothers! And, as I've said before, the TV legend has been rejected three whole times! I mean, who the hell else can they really get at this point? At this rate, they'll have been turned down by every Kato Kaelin and Paula Poundstone in the land by the end of the month, and the DWtS producers will have to cast the Smothers Brother, right? And I hope he turns them down, and they have to simulate a cast with cardboard cutouts of celebs mounted on toy trains like in Home Alone! It will be a great victory for Dick (Smothers)!