Jorja Fox is finally full-time (again).
It was announced recently that some geniuses at Fox and Sony Pictures TV decided that it was about time to turn Heathers into a TV series, since everything else is being redone already. My knee-jerk reaction was that this was a horrible idea (and made me shout "fuck me gently with a chainsaw!" at my computer) but I decided in fairness that I would rewatch this iconic film from my youth yet again to see how they could possibly transform it into a weekly television show. Maybe it was outdated and ready for an reboot. But now that I have, I still think it is a terrible idea, unless they can get Tina Fey or Ryan Murphy to do it. Which they haven't.
Happy Monday, all! We're currently snowed in here at TWoP's Manhattan headquarters, even though it's March. LOL, end of the world, I guess! Anyway, if you're trying to forget about the impending apocalypse, read on for a nudie mature TV star, Shannen Doherty's ridiculous new gig, Alexis Bledel's sad new gig, and yes, even more Melissa George hatred. As Diddy used to say, "I thought I told you that we won't stop!"
I have to hand it to Sci Fi's Scare Tactics for having industrious P.A.s willing to scour this fine nation of ours to find the dumbest and most gullible people ever to serve as the unwitting victims of their creepy practical jokes. Perhaps they merely felt that they had to up their game this season now that Shannen Doherty's not around to unintentionally instill the fear of god in everyone who appears on the show? No matter. For those of you who don't know the premise, Scare Tactics is like a really, really twisted version of Candid Camera. Or, you know, Punk'd, but with vampires instead of B-list celebrities. In a recent episode which came to our attention courtesy of the good people at Best Week Ever, a (retarded?) new hire at a spa comes upon what appears to be a Satanic bloodletting ceremony that's been ordered up for a client who insists on looking younger. I don't know about y'all but if I walked in on something like that, I would probably a) pee my pants and b) start laughing uncontrollably. Real talk? That blood is faker than a bucket full of ketchup, people! The scene manages to be sordid as hell and completely hysterical at the same time. Bonus points for a cameo from a pair of fake boobies. Peep it/them after the jump.
Actually, it might not be. I'm not really sure what extortion is exactly, but I do know the 90210 writers are trying to persuade Luke Perry to return to the show, against his very publicly stated will, by writing Dylan McKay into the show as a deadbeat dad. A deadbeat dad! That's one of the worst things you can be! You see, Jennie Garth's character, Kelly Taylor, has a four-year-old son on the show whose father it will be revealed is Dylan McKay. So basically, either Luke Perry comes to claim this fictional kid he had through no fault of his own, or the character that made his career is a toddler-abandoning bastard for all eternity.
And by "might," I mean she definitely will, because the only contingencies are reportedly storyline and cash, two things the show's producers would be out of their minds not to give her. Brenda Walsh returning to 90210 would be ratings gold, and I have to admit, I am dying to see her square off with Kelly Taylor again (she's got it coming!), as well as with the new characters played by Lori Loughlin and Jessica Walter (a Brenda vs. Gangy fight would make Dynasty's epic Alexis and Krystle battles look like Wall-E holding a basket of kittens!). That is, at least for the four of five episodes Doherty will last before she starts fighting with the other cast members and has to be written off the show a la the original 90210 series and Charmed. Sigh.