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The Telefile
The CW Goes Green by Reducing, Reusing and Recycling Plots Fun party? Check. Pretty people? Check. Addictive, if unoriginal shows? Check. Girls with green hair? Check. The CW announced their new Fall lineup at their upfront party at a swanky shindig in a tent at Lincoln Center. And while the evening gets an A, the new show prospects get a B at best. Though I'll probably end up watching them. Damn you CW and your pretty vapid shows.

I arrived at the CW upfront, which was at Lincoln Center in some big outdoor tents. Was greeted by a girl in a chartreuse colored wig holding similarly colored apple martinis. I decided to pass and head straight for the food since the ABC upfront didn't have snacks. Once inside there were massive screens everywhere displaying the press lineup on the lime green carpet. I was with some friends and we grabbed some yummy shish kabobs and watched Kelly Taylor talking and taking photos. Then I saw Julie Chen, dressed in a rather subdued ensemble, and I just had to say hello. I mean, much as everyone picks on her, I love that she's in on the joke. I walked right over to her as her husband was trying to usher her to the press section, and I was lamely like, "Julie, just wanted to tell you that I love Big Brother" and she's like, "Walk with me." So we chatted for a hot minute and then Mr. Moonves kind of gave a look like, "Are we done mingling with the commoners" and she's like, "Wait, she likes Big Brother." Which kind of got a half a smile. Awesome. I love me some Julie Chen even more now.

Then I wandered and stared at the folks from the new Beverly Hills-less 90210 (Hey, it's Darcy from Degrassi!), the girls from Top Model and the stunningly beautiful cast of Gossip Girl who were behind velvet robes in a very exposed VIP section. Then Blair and Serena got up on the stage and I thought the whole upfront ad schpiel is about to begin, but instead they introduce a surprise musical guest: Maroon 5. The girls in the wigs and skimpy, skimpy alien looking dresses were totally digging it. I called my mom (she loves them). Adam Levine sure is pretty, and he was kind of funny on American Idol last week, so I'm down.

Finally after a few songs by Levine and co., Gossip Girl (I miss Veronica Mars) narrates that the presentation is about to start. Then a hologram of Dawn Ostroff appears on the stage. Wait, what it so going on? I always thought the Julie Chen was the robot, not Ostroff, but apparently the CW is doing some 3-D campaign... something about demographics or whatnot, plug in your own buzzy advertiser friendly words that begin with D here. Then Ostroff doubles herself, and then finally really Ostroff appears on the stage and makes a joke about how if you are seeing more than three of her, you've had too many apple martinis. Then the other two fake Ostroffs blink out (just like on Star Trek, cool!) and the CW logo starts swirling in space and she introduces the concept of OMG TV. I kid you not.

Apparently they want all of their new shows to be clones of Gossip Girl, ah... that whole triple hologram thing is starting to make some sense now, and appeal to young gals who like to watch people be evil to each other. So Monday nights will kick off with Gossip Girl and be followed by One Tree Hill (apparently that is the show that just won't die). Tuesday's start off with 90210, which, Lori Loughlin so sweetly says in her little talking head interview, will focus on the adults as much as the kids. Ha. Not a freakin' chance, but good try Becky. The show stars lots of hot people including the aforementioned Darcy from Degrassi, a "free-spirited" chick played by the chick who may or may not have been the devil's daughter on Reaper (Oh, BTW that's coming back midseason. W00t!) and Eden from Nip/Tuck. The show promises to be more sexy and provocative (basically Gossip Girl in a sunnier setting), but also stars Jessica Walters. How freakin' cool is that? I'm sure she'll get like two lines an episode, but really, she's so cool that I'll take what I can get. And Kelly Taylor and "some other former 90210 stars" will be making guest appearances. Interesting that the itty bitty Jennie Garth was the only one actually at this event though. After 90210, if you can stand it, is Surviving the Filthy Rich, where an aspiring journalist gets a job as a tutor for a set of pampered and ridiculously wealthy twins. If she gets them into college, she gets her student loans paid off or something equally convoluted. Apparently waitressing, or actual teaching, was out of the question. I said that looked remarkably like Dirty Sexy Money, my boss Dan added "meets Charles in Charge." True.

Wednesday they are exploiting the popularity of Top Model (which will air cycle No. 436 at 8 PM) by airing Stylista. The minds behind Top Model and Project Runway have mated the two and produced this mini-me offspring. Contestants compete to win a job working at Elle magazine (not for Nina Garcia, but instead some terrifying woman named Anne Slowey) but they are tested by doing assistant like duties, like planning wardrobes, getting coffee and prepping parties. Not sure how this will test their "editor" skills, but I'm going to go with it like I do with Lauren's "job" on The Hills. I hate to say this, but it actually looks kind of good. In a trashy sort of way, but I'm not at all above that.

Thursdays will look exactly like they do now. If you like Smallville and Supernatural together... well, there you go. Friday they've devised this novel concept of pairing comedy with reality. They'll air Everybody Hates Chris and The Game, and then an encore of Top Model. Sounds like someone didn't know what to do with their comedies so pushed them off to this dying spot. They've laid the smackdown on Smackdown because it didn't fit with their new outlook. Which seems to be "if it isn't about models or rich teens, we don't want it." Then Sunday nights they are basically renting out space to a company called MRC, which promises to air "high-quality scripted" shows. Programs about which no details were shared. Probably for the best. I am imagining MyNetwork style soaps, but I could be wrong.

That was pretty much it, aside from a very brief mention about Reaper coming back in the midseason (got a feeling that the cast isn't oozing enough sex appeal for them). Then watched the pretty people mill about some more. Grabbed my "absinthe" lollipop and headed for home. I'm already starting to feel bad about myself because I know that I'll be watching 90210 and Stylista. Well, is it really my fault if I can't resist the allure of OMG TV?
TAGS: cw, upfronts

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