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The Telefile
What If Breaking Bad Really Did Change Networks?

After a whole lot of drama about being shortened fifth season, the producers of Breaking Bad have been shopping around their series to other networks. We all know it's totally a power move -- and an appreciated one at that, because a six-episode final season is just plain cruel -- but it's fun to imagine what Walt and the crew would look like on other channels, both broadcast and cable.

CBS: The attention is all drawn to Hank and his re-involvement with the DEA. Each episode is a case-by-case procedural of the Heisenberg investigation.

Fox: Now an animated series voiced by Seth MacFarlane (every role), Walt's new biggest challenge is dealing with how gassy his cancer treatment makes him.

The CW: New turf wars emerge from the east and west sides of New Mexico: one, a crew of rich attractive teens; the other, a gang of vampires. And Skyler gets pregnant again... but is it Walt's baby?

NBC: Tired of his horribly miserable life, Jesse quit drugs for good and he, Andrea, and a few wacky friends they meet in rehab -- including Wendy, who gets to keep her theme song -- move to the big city to try to make it in the boring ol' grind.

USA: Rather than learned older dudes like Mike the Cleaner wheeling and dealing, everyone over the age of 55 will be replaced with slick guy in his a late-20s to mid-30s. They will all have cool raspy voices and sexy affairs.

ABC Family: Season Five would turn the tables and focus an entire storyline on Walt Junior, a.k.a. Flynn. He'd knock up Gus's daughter (oh, everyone has kids, now), both would totally freak out (but keep the baby, natch) and then the show would never go back to explain the 10,000 plot holes that all of this would create.

Disney Channel: Also a series about Walt Junior, only instead of a teen pregnancy, he and Lewis get mixed up in their own zany (but completely drug-free) shenanigans. Holly is aged eight years and has her own singing career. A squeaky-clean Saul drops by very regularly to see what the kids are up to.

Lifetime: Marie and Skyler get all of the screen time, and the show becomes a series about the strong women who plot to murder their awful, idiotic husbands.

FX: Every female character immediately gets killed off, Badger and Skinny Pete are made series regulars and the car wash is now a stripper car wash.

TLC: Changing things up a bit, the series becomes an extremely trashy reality show about delusional drug dads and the clearly terrified kids they make money for. Featuring occasional appearances from the polygamists living next door.

HBO: Everything would be exactly the same, only with ten times more female nudity.

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