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TWoP 10: Characters We'd Like to Regift

by Angel Cohn December 19, 2008 6:00 am
TWoP 10: Characters We'd Like to Regift

Ah, regifting. Taking the unwanted presents you receive from well-meaning but misguided people and giving them to someone else who might appreciate them. One person's trash is another's treasure... or so they say. We'd love to do the same thing for our favorite TV shows. We've got a list of characters who should be boxed, wrapped, tied with a bow and shipped off to other shows. It would make so many series so much more enjoyable. Everyone wins. Mostly.

1. Sadie (Grey's Anatomy)
It's not that we hate Melissa George, OK, maybe some of us do [Editor's Note: I do! Oh, god almighty, I do!!! -- Mindy], but her character has not been a welcome addition to the show. Instead, let's send her quasi-bisexual butt over on to Private Practice. Addison's single again, so's Charlotte -- there could be some romance, and since we already can barely tolerate that show, if she stinks up the joint, who cares?

2. Tracy (Heroes)
Ali Larter as a mastermind who can freeze people? Right. We already had two of her and that was plenty. Instead, let's send her and her wooden character traits on over to Prison Break where she'll fit right in. Plus, with her handy dandy freezing powers, she can finally take down this whole Scylla thing in no time. While she's at it, maybe she can take Mohinder with her too, and he can fix Michael up right good, or accidentally kill him. Either way.

3. Vanessa (Gossip Girl)
Since Vanessa is dragging this otherwise addictive teen soap way, way down, it's time for a change of scenery. By sending her to the West Coast to hang out with the kids at West Beverly on 90210, we'd really be doing everyone a favor. She can teach Naomi how to be a manipulative bitch, and we can pretend that entire show doesn't exist. Everyone's a winner.

4. Gregory Parker (Flashpoint)
Oh, Enrico Colantoni is so much better than this slightly cheesy bomb squad series. We want to love the show, but we just don't. But since we love him, we'd hope for him to get sent off to Life on Mars, where he could go back to some real old-fashioned sleuthing (and he's good with all things Mars related). He'd be happy and so would we.

5. Thirteen/Hadley (House)
Making out with Foreman doesn't make us like her any better. In fact, it might make things worse since we can barely stand him lately. So since she's already dying a slow painful death because of her Huntington's and us watching that isn't going to be pretty, we'd like to move her over to ER. She can check into the Chicago hospital as a patient, and then stay there as that series says its final goodbyes. Then we don't have to see either of them anymore. Yay!

6. Tommy Walker (Brothers & Sisters)
Tommy's attitude is clearly stuck back in the past, and his antiquated macho attitudes generally remind us of some of the less liberal gents on Mad Men. He'd be a perfect fit. And we could really enjoy our guilty pleasure Brothers & Sisters without his attitude bringing us down.

7. Kate (Lost)
We've made it pretty clear that we kinda hate Kate on Lost, but she'd really be perfect over on Grey's Anatomy. She could be off the island, she'd certainly love the plethora of men at her choosing and her lack of interest in actually doing anything would fit well with Izzie's 'tude, and her depressing attitude would endear her to Meredith. She'd be a fantastic new roomie.

8. Emmett Milbarge (Chuck)
We are loving Tony Hale (Buster!) on Chuck, but his efficiency expert would be amazing to see on The Office. Maybe we could regift him and then hope they return him? Him and Dwight together? The mere idea just sends us into a fit of giggles.

9. Betty's Braces (Ugly Betty)
We're sick of Betty's braces. We know, she's ugly and dorky. But she's had them for like 10 years. It's time to rip those suckers off and slap 'em on Sookie Stackhouse on True Blood. The silver would protect Ms. Sookie from any unwanted vamp encounters and the orthodontics would certainly keep us from staring at the gap between Sookie's teeth all the time.

10. Jordan Wethersby (Eli Stone)
Eli Stone is not long for this world, so we've got to strike on this regift while the iron is hot. Give its sometime singing lawyer a nice severance package and then send him to sunny SoCal to help out the Walker clan (lord knows they need it) and he can indulge his love of fine wine. Plus, we'd love to see Victor Garber and Ron Rifkin together again. Seriously. This one needs to happen.

Thoughts? Which characters would you like to regift? Let us know.

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