It's that time of year when we honor all that mothers do for their children. Though in the case of the television personalities below, being a good mom consists of pimping out your kids or hitting them with an actual hammer. Yes, these are some really special women. So happy Mother's Day and be grateful that these women didn't give birth to you.
10. Jackie Florrick (The Good Wife)
She's scheming, over-protective and meddling when it comes to her son. The man is over 40 -- he doesn't need his mommy involved in his relationship and telling his wife that she shouldn't divorce him. And she doesn't need to turn a blind eye to her son's multiple affairs in a misguided attempt to keep his family together. She also harshly judges everything her grandchildren do and would willingly sacrifice almost anything for political gain.
9. Isobel (The Vampire Diaries)
She gave up her daughter for some kind of shady adoption, moved out of town, got married, cheated on her husband when she became obsessed with vampires, begged a vamp to turn her and then became a killing machine who eventually led the world's most dangerous vampire right to her daughter's doorstep. And then, instead of trying to protect her daughter, she kills herself in the sunlight out of guilt, leaving her kid to become vampire bait because of her mom's issues.
8. Lady Stark (Game of Thrones
She's got a child in a coma, but becomes so obsessed with who put him there that she leaves his bedside in order to go on a several-month's journey to find the guilty party. She sends her two daughters off with their father to a town where the eldest will be used as a pawn in a royal scheme, leaving her children under the protection of deadly killer animals. She largely ignores her other two sons (and don't even mention her husband's bastard - he can get shipped off to the northern border to freeze to death for all she cares). And the scary thing is: her sister's even worse.
7. Jackie Peyton (Nurse Jackie)
Where would you hide your drugs if you were a pill addict? Why, the boxes for your young daughters' keepsakes, of course. She's a nurse but she ignores the illnesses of her children, is an absentee mother at best and is beyond selfish, mostly concerning herself with numbing her constant pain.
6. Lynn Patridge (Audrina)
What a piece of work. We now understand how Audrina grew up to be the vacant and personality-less girl that she is today. Lynn is controlling and quite manic, alternating between sentimentally loving and stone cold bitch. She also sometimes loses count of her four children, apparently likes to booze it up (which would explain some of her mood swings) and clearly hates her daughter Casey so much that she goes out of her way to belittle the girl (who is married with kids) every chance she gets. And, of course, let's not forget her belligerent rant for that TMZ knock-off. 'Drina must be so proud.
5. Sarah Linden (The Killing)
Jack can be an annoying teenager, but if our mom was dicking us around the way Sarah was, we'd act out too. Sarah told her son that he had to pack up his stuff and leave school in the middle of year so that they can move away with her new fiancé. And then she dumps him off on a friend's boat, feeds him nothing but processed foods from vending machines and repeatedly postpones their supposedly imminent move repeatedly. So the kid is living in limbo with a mom who is so obsessed with her job that he's begun to take bets on when/if they will ever actually leave town.
4. Lily Humphrey (Gossip Girl)
She's currently under house arrest, has been married so many times (mostly for wealth) that even the society rags have lost count and allowed her biological children to roam the streets of New York and foreign countries unsupervised. She also has a stepson (Chuck) who she only remembers when it involves money or scheming, another stepchild (Dan) who has to live in a different borough in order to stay sane and a stepdaughter (Jenny) who is in parts unknown and only comes to town to be almost date-raped and occasionally deal drugs. And now Lily's responsible for "watching" her niece. We can't believe that will end well.
3. Janelle (Teen Mom 2)
To be fair, she did make one semi-mature decision by leaving her child in the care of her own mother instead of trying to raise it herself. But still, she's supposed to help but cares more about getting stoned, stealing credit cards and living with her boyfriend than she does the infant that she's supposedly desperate to get back. She also brings disgusting men home to her house and allows them to be around her baby, can't seem to get it together to stay in school and constantly screams profanities in front of her son. Part of us wishes she was a character on a scripted show, because that real child is going to be scarred for life.
2. Anna (V)
Aliens clearly have a different set of moral values than we do, particularly Anna. She pimped out her daughter to two different men and then broke her kid's legs in order to garner sympathy. And when her daughter became a problem, she just got a new one with an identical skin so the world would never know. Alien moms are the worst, right?
1. Mags Bennett (Justified)
It's a good thing that Mags didn't have access to Anna's new-skin technology, or we're sure she would have killed at least one of her insubordinate children and put a Dickie or Coover shell on some unwitting bystander -- it would've been so much more effective than breaking their hands with a hammer until they learned to obey her. She also isn't afraid of making her children do her dirty work for her and maybe even die on her behalf along the way. We would've loved to get her in the same room as Gemma Teller.
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