Recently in Very Bad Things Category
Uninspiringly part of Bravo's tired formulaic "real look" at gross people in trendy subcultures, Below Deck follows at a generally good-looking group of employees who work on a luxury yacht in the Bahamas. Though the pilot proves that the cocaine-fueled, soiled-bathrobe-wearing photographer clientele are much more interesting than anyone who's profiled on the show, the boring crew who served them is who we're stuck with until the network docks this thing.
The first season of TLC's Breaking Amish may have been obviously scripted and was eventually revealed to have altered the truth about its cast's relationship with the Amish and Mennonite communities, but at least it was watchable. The culture-shock concept of the series -- helping five young adults get out of their oppressive community, and then throwing them into New York City -- was promising enough, and even if the gang eventually admitted that they didn't exactly go from farm to Breaking Amish, their fish-out-of-water experiences produced some fine reality TV. And then TLC brought it back for a second season.
ABC's murder mystery reality competition series Whodunnit? is, in a word, hokey. The 13 contestants claim they've signed up for the series knowing very little about it beyond the promise of spending their summer in a mansion with hopes of winning a game worth $250,000 -- but what they didn't know is that if they didn't succeed, they'd be murdered. Dun dun dunnnnn!
I can't imagine anyone went into Bravo's Princesses: Long Island expecting anything other than what we saw in the pilot, aptly titled, "You Had Me at Shalom." I mean, surely Bravo only settled on name after the FCC shot down just plain calling the series JAPS, right? (That would explain why there are a few non-Jewish women shoehorned in there.) Rather than go so far as to dignify these ladies with no firm grasp on reality with individual reactionary descriptions, or the network for so brazenly perpetuating ugly stereotypes, let's just talk about the very worst lines of the pilot and call it a day.
I think I've actually been enjoying Glee this season. Season 4 has had its not-terrible moments, thanks to a change of pace in the fake drama school in New York, a handful of particularly well-crafted musical numbers, the open shaming of Finn Hudson (despite being unfortunately paired with Cory Monteith's real-life personal matters) and the overall lack of Will Schuester. Regrettably, "Shooting Star" was the worst piece of crap this show has produced in a very long time... if not ever, so much so that it warrants this addendum blog post to the forthcoming recap. Here's why:
It's obvious what Eva Longoria and NBC were trying to do with Ready for Love: Cash in quite belatedly on the fame of The Bachelor using the "science" and snark of Millionaire Matchmaker. Unfortunately, this show is so poorly edited, egregiously sexist and clearly low-budget, it's much closer to The Choice meets Fashion Star and has all of the authenticity of Burning Love. Rather than validate Ready for Love by giving it a straight-up review, I'll instead list the very worst things about the show.
We're big fans of Jason Mantzoukas here at TWoP, in no small part because of his character Rafi on The League, Dennis Feinstein on Parks and Recreation and his musings on the How Did This Get Made? podcast. When we first learned he'd be playing Haley Dunphy's boyfriend in "Party Crasher," it was the most we've looked forward to an episode of Modern Family in a long time. It should come as no surprise, then, that after watching this mess, we're a bit more disappointed than usual.
I don't know what terrible thing I did, but clearly having to watch an entire hour of 2 Broke Girls must have been some sort of CBS-mandated punishment, right? Both "And the Big Opening" and "And the Silent Partner" were forgettable, nonsensical and just plain bad episodes filled with gross sex jokes and lots of fat shaming. In the first installment, I don't understand what the point was of bringing Johnny back. I'd all but forgotten him, and he was never that great of a character nor such a wonderful match for Max that I felt that we were missing something without his presence (can't say the same about Andy, who has an abundance of sexual chemistry with her but barely any with Caroline). As for "And the Silent Partner," I didn't really buy that Caroline would be disgraced by "only" having one small cupcake shop in a popular mall in one of the trendiest parts of New York City, especially at the age of 25 after her family lost all of their money and possessions. But whatever; clearly this show isn't supposed to make sense logistically, so let's just get to the groans:
I just want to point out "And the Three Boys With Wood" started out with Max tending to a horse, and ended with Caroline grinding with an Amish boy -- causing him to instantaneously orgasm and have a panic attack and then get taken away in an ambulance -- and shortly thereafter, she got an odd text message from Andy who immediately came outside and started making out with her. Oh, and then a stray cat with really fake sound effects growled at Max. This is real show on network television.
You know why scripted workplace comedies like The Office and Workaholics are so appealing? When they're good, they capture that sterile, mundane environment that comes with desk job, but fuse in odd characters and strange storylines in order to combine the familiar with the strange, leading to funny jokes and often even some compelling interpersonal drama. LOLworkkind of does that, only without actors, or writers, or humor, or literally anything that would make it remotely watchable at all, aside from a few cute videos of cats which you can just watch on their freakin' website, or anywhere on the Internet for that matter.
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