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Recently in Very Bad Things Category
While last night's American Music Awards all together made for a wholly dull evening, there were a few moments in the three-hour ceremony telecast that were so painfully bad, they deserve some recognition.
Whitney is hands down the most dreadful new show of the fall. There's really not even a question about that at all. We considered compiling a list of the worst moments from the pilot, but that would've been only one line long -- "every single excruciating second" -- and would've felt like a cop-out. So we sat through the first episode again (we're totally scarred for life now, thanks for asking) to pinpoint the show's exact problems.
Maybe this will lose me all of my comedy cred in this universe, but I never completely hated Two and a Half Men. I definitely never watched it on a weekly or even monthly basis, but if another person flipped it on while we were hanging out at a relative's or friend's house, I would sit and watch it and chuckle. But in terms of a weekly series, I would deem it unwatchable, because what discerning appreciator of comedy could possibly stand that much canned laughter and Charlie Sheen crammed into one half-hour?
As you may already know, we make fun of celebrities on this site. I, for one, will bash Dr. Drew any chance I get, and once personally told him that he was a slut-shaming jerk. It felt great. As for the other celebs I jab at here and there, I would like to think that most of the things I write are based in reality and that I won't feel like the scum of the earth when I inevitably have to meet them face-to-face. It's kind of like running into someone you went to high school with; just as no one is the same person they were in high school (I hope), when someone's on TV, a small part of their humanity is sold to producers for the sake of story-editing. But in the age of cyber-bullying, being held accountable for what you say is no longer a given, and plenty of people are able to write and say horrible things about other humans -- reality stars included -- without any repercussion... that is, until now. Cue: the new CW show H8R.
I'll cut right to the chase. I didn't like this show. At all. And, I'm kind of disappointed because I actually thought that I might. I had previously enjoyed at least one episode of the short-lived SyFy series Chase (where people were on the run from hunters, and the longer they lasted, the more cash they racked up) and The Phone (where two teams got cell phone calls and had to race for a prize), but I barely made it through the premiere of Take the Money and Run, despite having seen a hunk of it during The Bachelorette. Even in installments, it's pretty terrible.
Unless you've been living under a Glee-proof rock, you may have heard that Chord Overstreet's Sam Evans has been cut from the show's next season. (If you do live under a Glee-proof rock by the way, where can we find one?) At the same time, Darren Criss' Blaine and Harry Shum Jr's Mike Chang have been moved up to series regulars. Although it's nice that Blaine's now a regular, he doesn't go to McKinley (at least, not yet) and Kurt doesn't go to Dalton, so we're not sure how that makes sense. And we love Mike Chang, but he doesn't actually do much of anything. We were just getting to know Sam and we were happy with what we were seeing, but considering all of Glee's other poor choices, we can't say we're surprised by the decision. Here are five reasons it was (yet another) bad idea on Ryan Murphy & Co.'s part:
I am not a fan of the actress Raven-Symoné. Now before you think I'm going to give State of Georgia a bad review just because I have some sort of vendetta against Raven, let me explain. I like her as a human being (as much as one can like a famous actress they don't personally know), she's confident and sassy on talk shows, she's got a little edge to her, she's an entrepreneur that certainly knows how to stay in the spotlight and yes, I have some Cheetah Girls songs on my iTunes. (Don't knock 'em til you've heard 'em.) But I'm not a fan of Raven the actress, particularly Raven the comedic actress. Everything is exaggerated -- that Miley Cyrus sketch on SNL about the "Disney School of Acting" said it perfectly. These kids are taught that if they scream their lines, make goofy faces and flip their hair, they'll get a laugh. Raven is the prime example of that.
Every new season of Doctor Who seems to bring with it people mumbling about the prospect of an American Doctor. Now, the Eighth Doctor would probably tell you that letting Americans have anything to do with Doctor Who is a bad idea, but considering the Doctor's significant (and growing) fanbase in the States, we suspect that SyFy or perhaps even Fox would potentially be interested in a remake. But how would they change the series, aside from eliminating the English accent that networks presume American viewers can't possibly comprehend? Here's how we think some of our favorite U.S. showrunners would adapt Who:
For those two people on the planet who were anxiously awaiting Paul Reiser's triumphant return to the sitcom world after Mad About You, keep waiting, because this new series isn't remotely amusing. In fact, it's dreadful, which basically renders the plot of the pilot episode moot, as it focused on Reiser turning down a game show gig that he deemed beneath him. So subpar "comedy" is okay, but a twisted new game show is somehow selling out?
As an avid Broadway theatergoer, I've seen more than my share of terrible productions that I'd like to forget, or wish that I'd walked out of. Dance of the Vampires was always my go-to for the worst thing I'd ever had the displeasure of sitting through ... until I recently saw Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. I'd read the heaps of stories about how awful it was, the troubles with the production, the multiple injuries, the firing of the director, etc. but I still didn't think that it could possibly be as bad as all that. I mean, in Dance, Michael Crawford belted "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and the townsfolk sang a song about garlic. And yet Spider-Man fell below my incredibly lowered expectations in completely surprising ways. Since the producers have hired a new creative team to work on the show (including scaling back on the villainess Arachne and axing the geek chorus) before its supposed June opening, I'm glad I got to witness Julie Taymor's version for the spiderfreude if nothing else. But is there a chance in hell that his show can be saved? The new team has its work cut out for it, judging by the below issues.
MOST RECENT POSTS
The Five Worst Moments of the American Music Awards
Whitney: The Worst Things About Fall's Worst Show
Does Ashton Kutcher Make Two and a Half Men Watchable Now?
H8R: 8 Is Such a Strong Number
Take the Money and Run: Can We Bury This Show Somewhere?
Five Reasons Why Glee Shouldn't Have Cut Chord Overstreet
State of Georgia: ABC Family's Rotten Peach
How American Showrunners Would Remake Doctor Who
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