I'd like to preface this review by saying that if Don Cheadle is being referred to as the star of the upcoming feature Hotel for Dogs by the Golden Globes announcer, he might as well hang up his acting ... uh .... assless chaps? Or whatever you wear when you're a serious actor.

I have a pretty good idea that the nine-year-old animal activist me would've been 100% on board with this movie, being that by the looks of the trailer, it's all about a gaggle of ragtag adolescents who set out to save dogs doomed to euthanasia by putting them up in a DIY kennel, aka some abandoned hotel. ["Euthanasia" reminds me that my 14-year old hardcore self wanted to start a band called Youth In Asia ... until I discovered boys.]

It's clearly a testament to the superb quality of this movie that they've seen fit to create not one but two trailers, the first of which will be the subject of this little write up. It features Emma "Cousin of Julia" Roberts and some other scrappy tween chasing their dog into aforementioned spooky old hotel (cue "In the Hall of the Mountain King"), only to discover it's a hideout for stray dogs. Lightbulb time! They decide to rescue every stray ever by coercing them into living in this shitty old pile o'bricks. Sweet dog-feeding- and dogpoop-collecting-machine montages (think Pee Wee's breakfast contraption a la Pee Wee's Big Adventure) ensue. Lisa Kudrow shows up to act like a trashy dog-hating parent, as does Vince's brother from Entourage, whom I'm guessing by the mullet is Kudrow's low rent boyfriend. Cheadle makes a brief appearance wearing a natty suit and admonishing the kids that he has "no idea what you guys are doing." Based purely on the sartorial cues this last scene has provided, I'm guessing Cheads is the good guy and the White Trash Twins are the villains. In any case, my point is that despite the slapsticky tone of this trailer, there will probably be at least one dog who dies in this movie, and that is one dog too much for this 9-year-old-trapped-in-a-28-year-old's body. Proceed with caution.

Reviews By People Who've Actually Seen It:
Variety
Rotten Tomatoes