Season 9, Episode 6

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 2 USERS: A+
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Pablo Picasso Never Got Called An A-hole

Back at the idiots' hotel room, the guys are discussing who's going to be on the group date card, because the only other date will be a one-on-one date. The card arrives: It's for Brooks, Chris, Kasey, Michael, James and Juan Pablo. That leaves Zak for a one-on-one. Juan Pablo is bummed, because he's taking time away from his daughter or something. The date card simply says "LOOOOOOVE," with soccer balls for O's. Kasey tells us Drew's going to rat on James tonight, and he's all, "James doesn't know that we know" and he's worried that James may snap and kill everybody, but that probably has more to do with steroids than the snitching.

Meanwhile, Desiree and Drew stop kissing long enough for Desiree to give him the date rose. Wait, he's got one more thing to say! Then he blabs -- wishy-washily being all clandestine about it and forcing Desiree to make him tell her -- about James saying he doesn't know what will happen with him and Desiree, but if he makes it to the top four, it will give him enough "exposure and momentum" to be the next Bachelor and change his life.

Desiree is smiling but she still needs to be bleeped in her reaction. There's a talking head in which she talks about how disappointed she is because she thought James was an honest man. Is this an interview from later? Because I'd hate to think she's badmouthing James without having talked to him first.

The next day, Michael and Kasey are asking Drew if he told Desiree about James, or rather, recreating a conversation they surely had earlier for the benefit of the camera crew. Kasey and Michael then discuss James-wrangling strategies, and Michael says James is a "grown man" and if James doesn't know right from wrong than Michael can't explain it to him. God, eliminate Michael and spare us any more of his sanctimony, please!

So no surprise, this is a soccer-playing date, and Desiree greets the guys as they arrive at a soccer stadium for RCD Espanyol. Desiree has decided she'll give James the benefit of the doubt, because people can say things that get taken out of context.

Obviously, former pro soccer player Juan Pablo is in his element here. They kick the ball around a bit, and then Desiree announces the men will be playing against her and her team: "A bunch of girls," according to Kasey. Interesting that Juan Pablo is the only one treating the women's team with any respect, while Brooks and Kasey are all, "Yeah, we'll kick their ass because girls."

The men score first, and second, but the women aren't long in tying it up and then taking the lead. Next thing we know, it's 8-2. And despite the fact that the women are kicking the men's asses, Brooks STILL calls James a "little girl" in net, even though if James had been playing like the "little girls" he was denigrating earlier, the men's team might have had a shot. As it stands, James is clearly not even trying. And the goals keep coming. The final score is 10-2, and the men are embarrassed, for some reason, to be defeated by a PROFESSIONAL TEAM, because it is a professional team of women.

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